figuring it out – a Lenten journey
photo : Flickr CC – starmama

“I’m intrigued. I’ve never participated in any form of Lenten journey. In this crazy maze of a mind are far too many questions but – they’re no match for my faith. I’m in for the exploration.”

I left these words on the blog of a friend recently and it sort of jump started a stream of thoughts on Lent. It got me thinking. I’m used to a faith that moves. In my worship experience there’s always been lots of movement and noise.  A clear and defined order to the program, but more than enough room to shake things up every week. It keeps you wondering – what’s next? I like it. But it lacks ordered communal rituals like Lent and is loud when my heart craves quiet.  And like I said, I’m intrigued.

I gave my life to The Lord at a non-denominational church, a church that grew out of a bible study in New Yorks’ theater district. There was spirit led worship and tongue speaking. And true to its musical theater beginnings….exceptional music, dance and theater. At that time in my life – it was everything I needed.  I needed to get to know Jesus and under the covering of this church, learned to love Him completely.

Beyond worship as dance and song, I’m fascinated by the quiet beauty of ritual. This longing for pattern and practice goes beyond prayers for me and mine, beyond my usual experience. Could God be calling me to a more contemplative place for a different more thoughtful worship experience? Because all I really want is silence. I want silence.

I worked at Saks Fifth Avenue years ago, just across the street from the famed St. Patrick’s Cathedral. And on Ash Wednesday, every year, the morning rush to our first meeting of the day was hijacked by stragglers walking into the conference room bearing the cross. Talk around the copy machine of giving up diet soda or chocolate by people who appeared to have no connection to Christ any other time of the year. No, not on Christmas either..this was retail after all. This was my first experience of Lent.

Last fall I was gifted a copy of Ann Voskamps’ “The Greatest Gift” and this Christmas, attempted to explore Advent with my family.  I wrote about some of our experiences here and here. It was wonderful until we drifted back into our regular routine. We began fresh and eager with nightly readings and every intention to complete our Jesse Tree. Then, the time suck of our usual consumed and we were back in the Christmas vacuum…where the holiday is over before it’s begun and it’s downfall was the ever elusive to-do list. It’s hard to create new customs when habit pushes us so easily toward a comfortable automatic. Ritual is hard to establish.

I’ll fight for it. I’m attracted to the idea of intentional reflection and sacrifice. My life as a woman living in the United States of America knows abundance and waste. I take for granted things some would consider answers to urgent prayer. Basic things like clean water, a warm home, access to emergency health care. From a place of such privilege, for me, a Lenten journey feels right.

I’m praying. For his grace, his love, like a river….come down…because I already know. And knowing makes me hungry for more. Maybe it’s the next step, a natural progression where wisdom takes over and I prioritize the time.  Maybe it’s that I’ve opened my eyes and finally see. Maybe it’s my one word this year – discipline – spilling over and into the cracks of my faith.

I’ll explore Lent with quiet observation, know his suffering with the solemnity of a personal ceremony. Maybe I’ll be led to sacrifice something, maybe not. More likely I’ll rest in the spaces of my life that leave room for ritual, breathe a little deeper and practice patience with things I don’t have answers for. Be – quiet. Seek – silence.

I love how He leads. He cares enough to keep us hungry. Set before us at the banquet table is a smorgasbord of His love, presented as delectable delights….all offered…equally…full servings of grace. Every expression unique, each portion a free gift and ours for the asking. He keeps us wanting, yet beautifully satisfies. Amen.

Is this your first Lenten journey? Tell me about your first experience with Lent and where you are today?

an offering to Jennifer and the community at #TellHisStory