Monthly archives for September, 2014

Give Me Grace : Wake Up

Sep 27, 2014 34 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson
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waking up to the glory of a great day  made greater – hanging out with Big Daddy after her 1st ballet class

Give Me Grace : Wake Up

And the angel that talked with me came again, and waked me, as a man that is wakened out of his sleep. (‭Zechariah‬ ‭4‬:‭1‬ ASV)

I’m ready, God, so ready, ready from head to toe, Ready to sing, ready to raise a tune: “Wake up, soul! Wake up, harp! wake up, lute! Wake up, you sleepyhead sun!” (‭Psalm‬ ‭57‬:‭7-8‬ MSG)

The past few weeks have been soul heavy. Overgrown with grief. Yet, I’m still on Facebook.

I post on Facebook, like we do, to connect. To check in with family and friends. To celebrate birth announcements, engagements, weddings, new jobs and adventures. All good stuff. But the dark and hard things?…I generally leave those things out. And for the most part, I think I should. Because for crying out loud this is Facebook and I’m a grown woman. I believe in drawing a line on social media. But I also feel like it’s Facebook , and it’s been here, in the past year and half that I’ve been encouraged and inspired and learned to publicly walk my faith. Where I’ve seen communities come together in prayer over the little and much of life. I love Facebook for that. So the line? well now it’s blurry.

It seems, if we’re doing life well on social media, we learn to share a skillfully nuanced painting. We show the glory and hide the grit. We share the beauty,  rarely the blood. So much so that we’ve gotten used to unbalanced images.  We cast our carefully crafted narratives into a sea of online engineered reality.  The expectation is that it’s all good – all the time, when it’s not. The almost too good to be true is just that. The line can be confusing.

But I’ve learned everyone , every one has something to cry about, something that given a stolen moment can break through the veil we put up. Something that shatters the heart. Every one. It’s how this life is lived. Sun, rain, up, down. Broken, beautiful. Wrecked, healed. We live for the spaces between and believe God for the road to redemption. On the way we covet the peaceful moments, the holy silence, the wisdom of a redeemed after. In the middle…we rest, at least we try to.

I’m waking up to the power of a soul willing to explore crossing the line.

Last year a friend told me about an unfortunate life event and I practically scolded her for waiting to tell me. For telling me when it was too late. I don’t want to do that. Not when I have a community that cares, a community that can lift me spiritually when I’m hurting. Not when I know prayer and good love and vibes work. I have to wake up to the power of my faith.

In the natural I’m frustrated and scared and fighting my instinct to fly. Still my spirit hears his voice – in black and white He tells me He’s able, and in words preached in a school auditorium he finds me in a crowd of 200 and declares He’s the best answer for anything I may be going through. I have to listen.

I’m telling my soul to wake up. Wake up to the only answer I BELIEVE in. I’m making the choice to wake up to the everyday grace of life. Because there’s so much good. So much good. An over abundance of joy is right in front of me – if I choose it.

I want to label this thing, this melancholy covering – I want to cast it away. It’s depressive and gloomy and I want to replace it with the god glory of a smile. Because inside – I’m ready to make the shift. It’s time to wake up to His ability…He makes the hurt…hopeful.

So here I am letting you know I’m in a pit. For now, I’m covered by the full-out glory of a first ballet class. I’m focusing on my princess and her papa bonding after class, I’m savoring sweet kisses from a 4-year-old.  The busyness of life that makes my marriage and motherhood amazing doesn’t end the hurt but it keeps me afloat.  I will defeat this nameless ache…but I need prayer.

Here’s that layer of neutral tones where I don’t share the full story. Here’s where I experiment with highlights and shadows. I’ll brush over the details. Toy around with exposure and saturation. I’m grateful I don’t have to give it all up.  Maybe over a great cup of coffee and my favorite dessert. Maybe not. I guess I’m a line girl after all. God knows and now you know too. You know enough.

Let your handmaiden find grace in your sight #GiveMeGrace

♥

Maybe you’re like me and need prayer too. No demand for details here, just affirm your need in the comments section and we can remember each other in grace this weekend. 

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Give Me Grace : Holy Ground

Sep 20, 2014 36 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson

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God said, “Don’t come any closer. Remove your sandals from your feet. You’re standing on holy ground.” (‭Exodus‬ ‭3‬:‭5‬ MSG)

Our gps signal wavered in and out on the ride up to Warwick, New York. What should have taken an hour and a half took almost 3.  Still, the last 30 minutes was all God glory. By the time we reached our destination we’d been cleansed and stripped. A brilliant sun broke through the veil and fields of buckwheat brushed us new…erased anything keeping us from His presence. In the last 30 minutes we took off our shoes.
And smiled.

His presence pierced our little family bubble and we felt it. This…was holy ground.

Stop.
Pause, breathe.
Enjoy the stillness
Because it’s quiet here
This…is holy ground
Everything IS – as it should be
Human arms can’t hold the paradox of this holy place
So just Let. Go.
It’s wild and perfect, groomed and broken
Listen
His words poured holy, painted on the door of  hearts stained a blood bought red.
Now ready, now ripe for the reading of natures’ sacred text.

This…is holy ground.

Sometimes to survive in the city, I leave. Intentional time away helps me see and carefully turn every stone. Time away repairs tears from unexpressed hurts and helps smooth over our family mess ups. The too quick response, the hurried hug, the many ways we tell each other we don’t have time. To hear. To listen. So yesterday we packed our car, grabbed my mama and took a drive. We went apple picking, drank hot cider, walked long and unrushed through lush orchards. And we ate the most delicious apple cider donuts. Taking time to be together outside our usual grind is holy. A little country does a city girl soul good.

Let your handmaiden find grace in your sight…#GiveMeGrace ~ read more ~
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50 Women Every Christian Should Know by Michelle DeRusha : review and giveaway

Sep 16, 2014 8 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson

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50 Women Every Christian Should Know by Michelle DeRusha is perfectly timed for my thoughts on life, legacy and faith. That these women wrote their stories, shared openly their thoughts on faith at a time when women still struggled to be heard, is all the encouragement I need to keep pressing in to Gods call – to publicly express my own.

Faith is messy. What and how we proclaim our truth evolves. I think of my early walk with God, the times I tempered my comments to stay politically correct. I think of times I’ve said nothing and how holding my tongue hurt. I think of the arenas I’m allowed to speak with popularity my only risk.  I know no danger beyond declining subscriptions and sales. I don’t risk my life for the cause of Christ. I know nothing of religious persecution beyond the editing of words I choose that might offend. But I have every opportunity, every platform to share the gospel and still I don’t. Sometimes my spiritual giant is asleep – because I’ve put him to bed.

I wonder if my faith would stand such testing.  And I watch, because the growing incidence of persecution is real. In the face of torture, prison and threats to the families they loved, these women, these heroines of the faith, said yes to God.

50 Women Every Christian Should Know both humbles and inspires.

I read about Hildegard of Bingen and Anne Hutchinson whose namesake parkway in New York, I drive along often. I listened to the life lessons of Margaret Fell, of Sojourner Truth and Harriet Tubman, of Corrie ten Boom and Edith Schaeffer. A few of the stories were familiar but most of them exposed new details I’d never read about, adding tactile layers to this anthology of faithful heroines. Michelles’ friendly and accessible tone interspersed among facts also makes this work an exciting read aloud to share with teens.

We learn about each woman’s answer to His call. How they fought to reconcile His work in their lives within the limiting confines of womanhood. We read about barriers to hear the word preached. Anne travelled 6 hours on horseback to hear the gospel of grace preached. I complain about the stress of a mass transit commute.

50 Women Every Christian Should Know made me think. How would I handle questions about my response to the Holy Spirit? Who validates my confession of revelation? How can I prove the inner knowing I sense from the Holy Spirit is that, and not an evil force? Can I prove my authority as a believer? Anne Hutchinson faced these questions. Could I wholly commit my life to the sake and service of the Lord like Margaret Fell? Would I risk a life in prison without them for the call of holy work. Could I, like Sojourner Truth take one child and leave the others behind? What would I do if I couldn’t go to church…or had my womanhood questioned before a congregation of believers? Would I bare my breasts or scan the room for the nearest exit? Would I, believing so strong in the message Gods poured, self-publish a book?

I’ve not finished this collection of compelling stories. It’s that kind of read. I want to soak in each woman’s experience and have sat with the questions each life story poses. As a believer, as a woman I know their stories are part of mine. I’m grateful for the introduction, grateful for the journey.

I’m delighted to offer a giveaway of 50 Women Every Christian Should Know and would love to hear about a woman whose faith has inspired yours. Leave a comment for a chance to win.

And stop by Michelle’s for more fun #50Women giveaways.

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Give Me Grace : His Presence

Sep 13, 2014 41 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson
photo: Rhesa Storms our first walk home from church

photo: Rhesa Storms
after our first walk home from church

God said, “My presence will go with you. I’ll see the journey to the end.” – Exodus 33:14 The Message

You will drink from the brook, and I have directed the ravens to supply you with food there.” 1 Kings 17:4

Something about church membership makes us territorial. We dig our heels into the ground and bind ourselves to a building. Clothed in a banner of pride, we lock arms with spiritual families. We think His voice, confined to the congregation of our choosing. His spirit contained in the passionate words of one preacher. Fully immersed in a primal craving to belong, we get caught up in theology and doctrine and pastors and people. We forget God is love and loves ALL his children.

We forget we live under the grace of an all-encompassing, omnipresent God. His presence inhabits a tabernacle of love we take with us wherever we go. And in every step if we’re willing to follow, He leads.

This season finds me accepting his right now provision. And thankfully it’s also literally, right here – an answer to prayer for church made easy. This season I’m following his presence to my neighborhood. It’s up close and personal, confrontational and humbling.

I gave my life to the lord in a church that grew out of a ministry born in the theatre district. Performers of every sort filled the fold up chairs of a second floor music studio every Sunday. After 16 years I left for the offshoot of a mega church. I see Gods providence in every choosing. In the beginning God had to get my attention. He did that in a room of like-minded artists. When I needed to ground myself in His word of faith He led me to a church where I’d learn to believe Him, for myself. Now, I just need to get to church. He’s making that possible.

I attended church in my community on Sunday. Not uptown, not downtown, not a cool service in Brooklyn or the latest pop up in an abandoned theater. I attended church in Harlem USA. Where I live, where my children learn. Where we buy milk from the bodega and stand in line at the post office. We attended church just steps from home. I can’t tell you what that feels like for a family of 6.

No train, no bus, only a 20 minute walk – door to door. We walked there and back. Jesus, the glory of walking down the street with my children after service is only eclipsed by the fact that they’d been fed (and mama properly caffeinated) before service began. Sure the 15 block walk brings me face to face with everything I love and hate about Harlem, but maybe belonging to something in my community besides my apartment will help me reconcile that.

I know they say a church alive is worth the drive but not if the drive further complicates the challenge of getting a family to church. Not if it means a total of 2 hours spent on a city bus or subway or worse, looking for and paying for parking.

For now, my certain brook is in my back yard and as the old folks say “I don’t know what the future holds but I know who does.”

Let your handmaiden find grace in your sight…#GiveMeGrace

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Five Minutes For Faith : For When You Don’t Ask For What You Want

Sep 11, 2014 3 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson
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photo : flickr cc/ shoothead

“Don’t bargain with God. Be direct. Ask for what you need.” – ‭Matthew‬ ‭7‬:‭7 The Message 

I shuffled the kids into the park just before dusk. It was a little too late in the day and a little too cool to stay long but we went anyway. It’s beautifully designed – big enough for all my children to enjoy and small enough so I can see the entire park.

I took a well deserved seat on the bench. And off they ran. Tire swings, for the moment friends and structures to climb. I’ll remember this summer as the first in a long while that I’ve actually been able to sit at the playground.

I pulled out a book and tried to distract myself. It’s taking me entirely too long to read Anne Lamotts’ Bird by Bird. It’s good. Really good. But I’m not there. And so I’m shoving the words down my throat like good for you medicine. It’ll do it’s job, but I want to savor it like my favorite chocolate mud cake – one decadent bite at a time. This, I haven’t tasted.

I’m in a funk.

Sharing today with friends at Five Minutes For Faith…click here to read more.

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Give Me Grace : Come Up Higher

Sep 06, 2014 29 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson

 

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Come up higher
Come up higher
He’s calling me
Every day
And I will answer
I will answer
My life is in…Your hands 

- Unbroken Chain Church 

I spent two mornings this week looking through the trees. Peering over the dashboard while waiting for legal parking on the street I call home, I sang this song. It’s one of the first songs I learned, one of the first songs I loved as new believer. That was 1989. He called then, He calls now. And the song is familiar and new and old, in a way that feels safe. Like the taste of beet juice (my fathers remedy for everything) or the way my mama taught me not to wander off alone. I can sit in “good for me” boundaries like that forever.

I set my gaze through a mix of green and worn leaves to find it. Justice, something to settle my spirit because the last few weeks have been hard. Holy hard. And sometimes I couldn’t see. But I’m determined to see beyond the filter and anything else that might divide us. Brushed and bruised by thorns, scrubbed clean by dew, my bare skin made new. I want to feel it – I want to be fully awakened by an encounter that transforms. I want to know more of His love. I want to go higher.

I’m the contemplative type, a thinker. But I also crave action. I want to know what I can do – how I can help make things better while I think about change, nirvana, epiphany…Jesus. I’m not afraid to do the hard work, to put my foot in, to get involved, but grace is gritty. And waiting isn’t easy.

Here’s the revelation. I have to come up higher to catch the vision of grace I pray for. The one I believe in. Maybe, instead of focusing on justice, I’ll come up higher and seek grace.

The trees tell me it’s a process. Watching them prepare for change reminds me to hang in, hold on…to shift and drift…to stay loose. Before the fall they’ll lose everything. Before the promise of a bud appears….all falls into grace.

I don’t have answers for the hurt and questions seeking enlightenment in this world presents. Except to do love. Do good.

I’ll come up higher with my belief in love. Love that looks different in every season but is identified by the dirty work we do in the ditch. God promises a holy outcome.

The do good kind of love is hard. And God breathed grace is a gift. In the end it won’t it matter if we agreed, only that we put into action the only answer that offers life. His love. His light.

While I wait I’ll be love and believe love. I’ll answer by hanging my hope on an altar of grace…a tabernacle of love I can take with me, wherever I go.

So come up a little higher, higher, higher, higher, higher
So come up a little higher, higher, higher, higher, higher – Mali Music

Let your handmaiden find grace in your sight…#GiveMeGrace ~ read more ~
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Five Minute Friday : Whisper

Sep 05, 2014 17 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson
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photo: flickr cc/ Matiluba

 

Whisper

Some say, “the squeaky wheel gets the oil”
That the louder we are the more attention we receive.
But quiet, the barely audible whisper gets my attention of late
It’s what’s whispered over tea and toast late at night, the last few lines, the after thought, the quiet exchange before the hush. I’m listening for the whisper.

Soft words between friends or the little post that nobody read, written by the writer nobody knows, often hold sacred truth.

The heart speaks whispers, time-tested truths for listening ears.
The sanctified, consecrated breath of angels is a whisper.
Its holy spirit fire reveals a stillness we know as truth.

Revelation comes quietly over time, after listening long and hard.
To hear is to wait. To wait…to see. To see…to listen…for the whisper.
The silent pause. A holy selah, the break between beats.
It enters the soul softly, is known without doubt. Truth.
The whispered walk of divine truth.

Pay attention.
When the room gets noisier, lean into the whisper.
Find a gem, an answer, a sacred devotional unveiled… readied for soul-inscription.

Lean closer still, when you hear nothing at all.

An offering to Kate Motaung and the beauties at Five Minute Friday

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Thinking About 50 : Manifesto for a Midlife Mama

Sep 03, 2014 32 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson
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because she inspires me… my favorite lady Mary

No one inspires me more than my mother.  In midlife, she went back to school to earn a bachelor and masters degree. She became a teacher while raising 4 children, largely alone.  What an example she’s been! As I approach 50, I think about her and marvel at the midlife transformation… already happening in me.

At 48, I’m not quite ready for AARP. But something about the frivolity of youth is slipping away. Don’t get me wrong, I’m youthful. I maintain a perspective on life with just enough humor to keep me belly laughing at least once a day. I also had a baby a few months before turning 45 and with children at home, aged 3-13, I feel engaged in a youth oriented culture. I’m still on the playground…literally.

But I’m changing.

Although I pray to let go gracefully the things of youth, I’m realizing this shift is more rebirth than death. It’s a new beginning.

But I’ve been thinking about aging and how at this point in my life…when I feel confident enough to literally soar….the world around me treats me as if all that’s left is preparation for departure. I’m thinking about how the world even the church, silences middle-aged women. No longer a babe and not yet a revered “mother of the church”, we midlife mamas get stripped of  our mojo. And that’s not cool with me.

I’m praying about how we can change that.

In midlife I recognize that my story doesn’t end with Titus 2. I’m still a Proverbs 31 woman. And maybe you’re like me. Maybe you’ve grasped a god vision for your life and know there’s more. Because after all he’s poured and all you’ve learned, maybe he can use it for more than serving donuts and coffee after service. Which, of course, isn’t a wrong thing, it’s just not the only thing.

To be clear, I’m a Titus 2 woman. I’ve earned the title, fought the required battles…I’m qualified. But I’ve got years ahead of me and untapped gifts to explore and share.  I’m a woman of wisdom. Use me.

I’m saying no to feeling invisible or ignored and offering a little pushback here. Let’s not take a seat…unless we feel led to.

So here it is, a little Midlife Mama Manifesto

I am a woman, created in the image of a God who loves me. I rest in the knowledge that He cares…about my dreams, my future. He cares for me. I will above all else nourish my spirit with the word of God. His word, growing in me, brings forth beautifully ripe fruit. This is a season, something I want to savor.

If I have been called to marriage, I will honor it as a gift. I will treasure and respect my husband, remaining pliable to his lordship over our home. I will guard my family and home by taking seriously my role as gatekeeper. I will pay attention. If I am single I’ll lean into the wisdom of those placed in authority over and community with me. I value them for holding me accountable for my words and actions.

I will obey gods voice without hesitation. I’ll walk out His plan for my life…with fear and trembling, if that’s what it takes. But I’ll walk. I’ll step up to roles of leadership when led to do so. I may be middle-aged but I am not middle of the road. My life screams the experience of the veteran. Is valued because of its scars, imperfections, flaws. Because I know…I will teach.

I will guide and serve as a living witness of Gods mercy to younger women in my community. I celebrate my wisdom. I will not shrink into the shadows when so much has been deposited in me. Now is the time to pull out the resources and give freely what I’ve been given.

But that’s not all…

I accept that as I need the church , the church needs me. I will pray about an area of service where I can bless the ministry with my experience and enthusiasm. I will live limitlessly…I am the right age….for just about everything. And can do, almost anything. I will continue to develop my gifts, hone my craft, grow.

I will enjoy my season of motherhood, particularly as it’s come at such a sweet time in my life. My midlife children get a mama who knows what she’s doing and isn’t afraid to enjoy herself doing it. I will show my children love. In deed , word, affection. Realizing I can’t do it alone I will pray for and enlist trusted support resources to help me raise my tribe. I will parent to my strengths. Always willing to grow but being gentle with myself in areas where I may be weak.

Whether or not I ever biologically parent I will engage with and serve as a loving nurturer for children in my family and community. If I find myself free of the responsibility of children, with time to feather an empty nest – I’ll explore this time of explosive creativity. I’ll use it to write my story and share it with my world. Whether I paint, or dance or sing or speak, this redemptive expression is my life line to all creation. It connects me – to my creator.

Mid-life is not a resting place. This is my life and God calls me to be a life long learner. I will expand and stretch to accommodate new opportunities and lessons. I walk in the blessing of my perpetual restoration.

I will seek to develop my spirit as I enjoy beautifying my outward appearance.I will embrace physical changes as part of a natural progression…leading me to complete confidence in myself and my Creator. I will work to maintain a healthy and active lifestyle. I will honor myself and my body as Gods unique creation – at every stage…a masterpiece.

If you’re a mid-lifer like me, what would you add to this affirmation? How can you tweak it for your life?

an offering to the communities at #TellHisStory and Coffee For Your Heart

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lisha epperson

lisha epperson

recipient of grace, lover of family, woman of God. Christian, homeschooling mama of 5, wife of 1. believer in miracles and the promise of redemption. passionate about parenting, adoption, women, nutrition, dance, fashion. a lover of words.....

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