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Give Me Grace : The Power of A Single Story…Yours

Jan 31, 2015 34 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson

thepowerofasinglestory2015-01-31 12.21.18

My mouth will tell of your righteous acts, of your deeds of salvation all the day, for their number is past my knowledge. With the mighty deeds of the Lord God I will come; I will remind them of your righteousness, yours alone. O God, from my youth you have taught me, and I still proclaim your wondrous deeds. So even to old age and gray hairs, O God, do not forsake me, until I proclaim your might to another generation, your power to all those to come. – Psalm 71:15-18

From the back of the room I saw tears forming in the corner of her eyes. She spoke with a lump in her throat and I could feel the soft tremble of emotion as she told her story…again. Elise Daly Parker is a community building powerhouse and her story is the goose bump kind. She tells it in a river of words that take you on a god-spotting journey. From faith-shattering to awe-inspiring you straddle the crest of the wave knowing its equal parts awful and lovely, broken and true. Still, God leaves room for calm, space to breathe…in her storm. Elise tells it with heart.

I woke up early this morning to take a van from 42nd St in New York to attend the Circles of Faith Women of Influence Breakfast. I’d looked forward to it for months. A chance to connect with other bloggers and writers on the east coast was one thing I wouldn’t miss. I made it my business to be there. An opportunity to hang out with Chelle Wilson would have been reason enough to attend but there was so much more. I met the only East coast representative from Noonday and enjoyed divine appointments with women whose lives mirrored my own. The staff at Circles of Faith did a wonderful job in assembling such a diverse group. And I brought a friend, Tanya Jones, my long-time sister in ministry sat right next to me.

Before Elise finished telling her story the room erupted in jubilant praise. Standing to our feet we couldn’t help cheering. I’m sure it happens every time she tells her story – and that’s just the way God wants it. Telling our stories is potent powerful medicine. It’s a healing inoculation against doubt – a booster shot for faith. We all enjoyed the after glow of the presence of a God who lives in the story. Each word a holy helping of grace – an in the moment measure of encouragement.

I think we all got saved again hearing her story. In the telling, she did too. It’s the God good kind of story that makes you believe…because He showed himself mighty, He redeemed every shattered thing and she…lived to tell.

Don’t doubt the power of telling your story again and again and again. I watched it heal her and help us.  Doing the happy dance at the end of a battle doesn’t mean every wound has completely healed. Let’s face it, every story is a journey, a process. The fullness of redemption takes time. In the interim God makes magic with the words. The brilliance of the masterpiece is in the weaving of each sacred chapter. It all starts with words.

We live in a fast paced world that demands something new every day. It isn’t easy to keep up. We respond to the onslaught of new information by archiving our stories. Our testimonies get shelved. A good flashback reminds us of His righteousness…His mighty deeds. God works in the wonder of a new day, I’m sure of it, but there’s no expiration on the glory of a story. So begin at the beginning. I’m listening.

Celebrate the power of a single story. Tell your story again. 
Let your handmaiden find grace in your sight…#GiveMeGrace

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Posted in christianity, faith, Give Me Grace, life, uncategorized - Tagged #GiveMeGrace, Chelle Wilson, Circles of Faith, Elise Daly Parker, encouragement, friend, God, story, Tanya Jones, the power of a single story, women, Words

Give Me Grace : Encouragement For Your Writing Soul

Jan 10, 2015 31 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson

writingsoul2

I woke up on the couch the other morning. I’ve stayed up late reading the past few nights and on this one my sweet family had covered me with a sleeping bag and turned out the lights.  It was perhaps the coldest day of the year in New York and the heater in our living room wasn’t working. I’d fallen asleep lost in the words of Madeline L’Engle, warmed by the truth she shared from this quote by Anton Chekhov.

“You must once and for all give up being worried about success and failures. Don’t let that concern you. It’s your duty to go on working steadily day by day, quite quietly, to be prepared for mistakes,which are inevitable, and for failures.”

My writing soul needs to hear that.

And the timely messages from two friends on voxer “Keep writing”. “Don’t back away from it.”

I’d wanted to write but doubt does a number on me sometimes. I get quiet. Every word gets shut up behind an impenetrable shell of steel. Vaulted.

September McCarthy announced some of the session leaders for the next Raising Generations Today conference this week. I’m one of them. Seeing my face attached to a lineup of so many godly women opened the door for comparison and doubt. I struggled with feeling flawed and unworthy – with wondering if I’d meet expectations.

My writing soul got quiet. My soul gets quiet because I know the weight of words. I know how words can breathe life into a woman crushed by loss, grief….doubt. I know words have the power to reignite dreams. I know words can lead a soul to the very throne of God. My enemy knows that too.

I marinated in this space…feeling defeated. But I shouldn’t. And you shouldn’t either. Maybe that pause isn’t all bad. Behind every holy hard word is a story.  And your unique experience makes you the only one to tell it.  It’s His job to do the work of releasing it. He’ll do that through you.  He’ll forge a path. You…do the work of being committed through quiet preparation – through prayer.

This year, as you make plans to accept invitations, ask about opportunities…put yourself out there in ways that call for increased faith – let this be encouragement for your writing soul.

The stilling of your soul is a time to get closer to God. He doesn’t give us a spirit of fear. And those feelings are all about the “no you can’t, you’ll fail. You…should be afraid.” And That’s not God. Mark the moment of silence as the beginning of a journey. God promises dreams and witty inventions. Open yourself to His creative ability. Build yourself up in His righteousness and qualifications only He can give. It’s more important than ever to discern His voice and the only way to do that is to get quiet so you can hear.

“I will climb up into my watchtower…” – Habakkuk 2:1 

“Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.” Luke 5:16 

Jesus made it a habit to steal away with His father and the Prophet Habakkuk used wisdom when he made it his business to get alone with God.  They didn’t resist but rather, invited this time of solitude.

This time around I won’t resist the setting apart for a stretch of silence. I’ll use the time to hear. To remember – to prepare for the birthing of something beautiful.

Enough talk for the night.
He is laboring in me;
I need to be silent
for a while,
worlds are forming
in my heart.
Meister Eckhart

Let your handmaiden find grace in your sight…#GiveMeGrace

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Posted in christianity, faith, Give Me Grace, life, uncategorized - Tagged #GiveMeGrace, Anton Chekhov, encouragement, God, Habbakuk 2:1, Luke 5:16, Madeline L'Engle, Words, writing soul

Give Me Grace : On the Stewardship of Words

Dec 13, 2014 16 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson
stewarding a place for words

photo: flickr cc/ hakan dahlstrom

These are the words in my mouth; these are what I chew on and pray. Accept them when I place them on the morning altar,O God, my Altar-Rock,God, Priest-of-My-Altar.
Psalm 19:14 The Message

I listened to a podcast by Seth Godin a few days ago. He’s what you’d call a thought leader. Thought leaders think ALL the thoughts and the most successful ones force, however gently, a private turning inward. Thought leaders make us think. To them we offer the mental universal affirmation “hmmm”. This inner amen frees us to pour truth on the page. When it’s good, powerful words help us release our own.

The shows host mentioned his new book What To Do When its Your Turn and my wheels started to spin. I haven’t read the book. He’s such a thought leader, I don’t have to. The title alone has me thinking about the God honoring weight and responsibility of words, particularly as a blogger. Now more than ever, its time to steward our words well.

As bloggers, we’ve essentially given ourselves permission to take the mike. In that respect It’s my turn. It’s yours too. I also read this by Mel Schroeder. Her thoughtful reflection on blogging and platforms expanded my musing. So I’m thinking about what I say and why. I’m wondering how I can do better.

If given a platform, what would I say? How can I use this space to cultivate a spirit of authenticity and grace. Truth and hope. Can I do that and still have time for life with my real, right now, in my face family and community?

I’ll start at the beginning. What is my message?

My blog began as an infertility journal. After surviving a 14 year battle with infertility I felt lead to encourage other women. Opportunities opened to share my story in many ways. I’ve known our story, our miracle was not our own, that God would use it for His glory…in His time. I’m not surprised. It’s a good story. Our lives, when given to God, are unique manifestations of His word in action. We are living epistles. Testimonies of grace. He uses each life to tell a story. His.

Knowing that, what is my life saying now?

Writing on a consistent basis is a spiritual process. A discipline of the heart where God shows us his best work. The work he does in us. He changes and transforms, rearranges and molds. You and I my friend, in our right now glory, are miracles. And He’s telling His story through us. So I’m listening. I’m paying attention.

In the past 2 years I’ve shared many of the stories that defined my life. The ways God changed me through his word, the hard lessons and life experiences I’ve learned in His laboratory. But writing is revelation. It’s seeing and growing. Writing is illumination. Writing is knowing.

And this is what I’ve discovered.

My writing isn’t only about infertility. God’s called me to other conversations. As a woman of color blogging in a predominantly white Christian community? Absolutely – I’ve got something to say about race. A vision for change based on his love compels me to speak.

So here it is – I’ve got half a lifetime of days circling the sun in brown skin under my belt. I graduated from the school of infertility. All this has earned me a degree in faith…a masters in waiting. I earned a phd in hope. And here…in the online communities God’s placed me in… I’m going for a teaching certificate in grace. I think that’s my where my message is. If I have anything to say it’s about keeping a dream alive. It’s about perseverance, it’s about love.

I’m not done here. I’ve sat with this question for a few days and know I’ll chew on it for a while. But let’s turn this around for you.

You have a platform to be your best God honoring self. What’s your message? Share your thoughts on stewarding well, these God-given words.

Let your handmaiden find grace in your sight…#GiveMeGrace

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Posted in christianity, faith, Give Me Grace, life, uncategorized - Tagged God, platform, seth godin, stewardship, what to do when it's your turn, Words

Don’t Call Me Hannah {a guest post for Last Girl on the Hill}

Dec 10, 2014 5 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson

I met Chavos Buycks in THRIVE, an infertility support group I co-lead on Facebook. Some of you may know her from her blog, she’s a pretty regular contributor at #GiveMeGrace. Our friendship is new but she’s got a powerful testimony. She’s a woman of wisdom, a seasoned warrior. I’m honored to offer space to tell her story.

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“You have the spirit of Hannah.” One woman said to me. I smiled and tucked that word away.

I love the story of Hannah. Hannah, who was a barren mess, taunted by her husband’s second wife Peninnah for not having kids, accused of being a drunkard by Eli, the priest and a mighty prayer warrior turned mother of one of the greatest prophets of all time. Her story is inspiring.

But I was a little annoyed with being told I have her spirit, not because she was evil. But because of the anguish, turmoil and shame she went through during her barren season. Who wants to experience that?

I don’t know how long Hannah and her husband Elkanah dealt with barrenness (a.k.a infertility). But for my husband and I, it’s been a ten year barren season. We thought having a family would happen in “God’s timing” without any issues. That’s not the case at all, there’s been one issue after another. Here’s a brief look at our barren season:

 We tied the knot on Christmas Day 2004.

 Year 1 – We enjoyed life and each other and trusted God to open my womb in His timing.  I started vomiting on my periods and I had no idea why.

Year 2 – People asked, “When are you two having kids?” We always answered, “Whenever God wants us too, in God’s timing.” We didn’t use anything to prevent pregnancy. I continued to vomit on my periods, which I thought was a normal thing.

Year 3 –  We lived, loved, laughed, worked, worshipped, prayed and played. We trusted God would open my womb when He desired. We believed it would happen.

GarryandChavosreception

Year 4 – The vomiting episodes stopped for two months then started back up (pain-killers no longer worked). I was clueless to what was going on in my body. But encouraged and hopeful for children.

Year 5 – I experienced pain, horrible cramps, heavy bleeding along with the vomiting during my periods. And foreclosure. I found out from a relative about a female condition called endometriosis. I continued to hope to be pregnant by the end of the year and prayed like Hannah prayed.

Year 6 – My ob/gyn found a lemon-size fibroid and confirmed I had endometriosis. I had laparoscopic surgery to remove both. The pain lessened a little but vomiting continued. I continued to pray, hope and pray some more to be pregnant before the end of the year.

Year 7 – Endometriosis came back and got worse with pain, horrible cramps and vomiting. I prayerfully waited and dreamed about having children. I was discouraged and disappointed and lost hope it would ever happen.

Year 8 – I received chiropractic adjustments and started charting and using an ovulation kit. I shared with close friends about our desire for children and the endometriosis issue. I was sad and disappointed with every period.

Year 9 – We had our first consultation with a fertility doctor. It was confirmed my egg reserve was low. I had a second lap surgery to remove endometriosis and another fibroid. I was put on medication to try to get rid of the rest. My hopes of being pregnant  were faint like a weak pulse. I had a bad case of hope deferred-ness and stopped charting.

Year 10 – My periods came back worse than before and the fibroid returned.  My egg reserve level is still low. My doctor suggested the IVF route (I struggled with this at first) but we decided to try it.  We prepared to take an IVF class but our insurance didn’t cover the clinic. I found out recently my FSH level is high (which could mean my egg reserve is failing per doctor). A second fertility doctor recommends donor egg as the only option for us. Doctors can no longer help us conceive. We need a miracle from God.

What do you do when God closes your womb, or allows you to go through a barren season? It’s not like I can go up to God in heaven and take his hands to open my womb, or make him change the season to springtime.

I’ve given up the dream of having kids and then I hope again. It’s a tug-of-war between hope and reality. I took several pregnancy tests in hopes of miraculously becoming pregnant but they’ve only disappointed and reminded me I couldn’t produce anything.

I’ve received many pregnancy announcements, went to baby showers and seen babies everywhere.  One time, there were ten ladies pregnant at my church. And before we left that church, we were the only couple without children. It was like the spirit of Peninnah taunted me through those things saying, “See, God closed your womb and you can’t produce anything. You fruitless woman.”  I’ve cried many tears for years over this issue.

This season of barrenness has been a difficult one to walk through. And the once dearly loved story of Hannah became a reproach to me. I was now living out the word, “You have the spirit of Hannah.”  And I didn’t want to be like Hannah. I cried to my husband, “Hannah prayed and begged God for a child.  Why do I have to pray for a child when other people just have kids without even asking for it? I don’t understand why I have to.”

I expected this season to last for a short period like natural seasons do. Nope, not so. Imagine having a cold, dry, lifeless and fruitless winter season for ten years. It could be really depressing if you dwell on it too much.

graceword

I choose not to dwell on it anymore. Nor sit and mull over what I don’t have in this season, but I’m learning to see the beauty in my barrenness. I couldn’t see it at first, second, or third but God has opened my eyes to the beauty of it all. The beauty of my barren season has been a deep closeness, intimacy, communication, friendship, and understanding with my husband. I trust, God will make all things (even my barrenness) beautiful in His time.

I’ve embraced my barren season and being like Hannah. Hannah’s name means “grace.”  My friend made a t-shirt for me with the word “grace” on it.  God is declaring “GRACE” over me and you in this season.

Now, I understand what the lady meant, “I have the spirit of grace” to endure, survive and thrive in whatever season I’m in. And year after year with each passing birthday, I’m making it by God’s grace. With each pregnancy announcement and negative test, I’m making it by God’s grace. With babies everywhere, I’m making it by God’s grace. Because He sees me as a Hannah, one who has grace. So, I don’t mind now, go ahead and call me Hannah (smile).

2  Corinthians 12:9  And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Tell me, have you been in a barren season? If so, how are you seeing God’s beauty in this season?

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 this  post appears as part of Last Girl on the Hill : a blog series on fertility and faith
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Posted in christianity, faith, infertility, last girl on the hill (blog series on fertility and faith), life, motherhood, uncategorized - Tagged Chavos Buycks, family, God, hannah, hope, Last Girl on the Hill, season

Five Minute Friday : Change {Going There in Ferguson}

Aug 22, 2014 47 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson

 

missouriMagdalenaRoesler

When I found Deidra Riggs online I froze. Silenced in the stillness of joy, I caught my breath – in awe of her gift. It’s a gift you know, to gracefully challenge people towards change. Without saying a word, she encouraged me to write about racism. She left room for my words and a safe space to “go there” in discussions surrounding diversity and reconciliation.

God’s called me to the conversation surrounding race and the church. I’m sure of it. And so I write. I engage. I listen. And now, I go.

On Friday I’ll leave the Lovelies and Big Daddy to board a flight bound for Ferguson, Missouri. I’ll have the opportunity to serve a community by listening to and prayerfully, telling their stories.

In the past weeks, after years of city and system wide inequalities, Ferguson erupted. The frustration of the people mirrors a nations cry to end the division and centuries long pain of Gods people based on color. Traveling to the city of Ferguson feels like walking into a war zone and I have no idea what I’m doing but I’m praying for change. Last Sunday I prayed this “Give me grace to listen. To engage my senses for the cause of Christ. To discern your truth, taste and see that You are good – lend and lift my voice to speak when called.” When Deidra asked, I knew my yes would be an offering and part of the grace message I live, my prayer for change.

I’m not a reporter. Or popular blogger. I’m a wife and mother, daughter of a king answering a call to serve. And in saying yes, I’ve never felt more inadequate to fulfill a task and powerless to bring about change. Never felt more like I’m stepping into a pair of shoes two sizes too big.

So I withdrew. The enormity of the task, the life legacy of a family – make this thinker quiet. I withdraw to grow small. Because we spend our days online thinking about numbers and influence and how to grow bigger and now, right now, my words are but illegible markings in the sand.  I can’t decipher their meaning and know the tide will soon wash them away. Those words wouldn’t matter anyway. What remains will be His. I’ll grow quiet knowing every scratch of it is linked to the only story that matters. Spirit washed and carved on tablets of stone, that story must be told. That truth transforms. That truth heals. I will tell it.

I’m going there. I’m taking my mother heart, a prayer for peace, my passion for justice…my faith in God and I’m going. In Ferguson I’ll join Deidra, Jennifer, Preston and Nish – believing God we’ll form a five fold ministry of grace, of whatever’s needed for such a time as this. We want to hear.

We’ll follow His lead.

Pray that I listen for His heart and words as I offer my vessel. Pray He pours words of meaning and hope…and grace. That I hear. Pray His riches and glory, that my feet spiritually fill the shoes before me. That the stories held are freely shared and that most of all, the words point back to Him. Pray for change.

an offering to the community at Five Minute Friday

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Posted in christianity, faith, life, uncategorized - Tagged change, Deidra Riggs, Ferguson, five minute friday, God, Going There, prayer, racism, write

Blogging Questions and a Few Introductions {a blog hop}

Jun 29, 2014 7 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson

This is the post where I take part in my first blog hop. I was invited by Alia Joy of Narrow Paths to Higher Places. June felt like a good time to take the blog speed down a notch and focus not so much on the words I pray for but the friends I’ve made. This is the post where I answer the blogging questions and make a few introductions.

Blog hops scared me – I turned this one down a few months ago because of timing and  fear of all the platform building hoopla. When asked I’d just written this. I’d caught myself trying to be everywhere just for the sake of being in the mix. It didn’t feel authentic and the spirit check was necessary.  Still, I don’t want to shy away from the work of promoting myself.  I want to walk in humility but I’m learning to give myself permission to lovingly put work into building a community, to share my life and words and tell you that I’m doing it – as long as I stay mindful of Him.

We’ll start with the questions….  ~ read more ~

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Posted in christianity, faith, life, relationships, uncategorized - Tagged #GiveMeGrace, alia joy, blog, blog hop, Blogging, Chelle Wilson, dara shulz, esther marie emery, Friends, God, infertility, introductions, martha grimm brady, questions, Words, writing

Five Minute Friday : Release

Jun 20, 2014 9 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson

release

Release

In the online world we all have dreams. Large or small, we hold in our hearts a vision or reason why we’re here. Maybe it’s an online journal for family and friends, a sacred space for heart heavy words – helping us process our lives and encourage others. Maybe we’re taking steps towards a God whispered dream…we pray to write, to speak…to travel.

I’ve met so many of you in this space and I identify with the passion in your words. I want you to know the day you hit publish, on your very first post…you set yourself free. It was your day of release.

Maybe your story was shut up in shame. Or you were too timid to speak. The sound of your voice… holding you back in a world that would have you believe you aren’t… enough. Maybe you thought using your voice vain and hid behind the scenes. You sat in the back when God called you out. And now living in the tension of that just won’t do. You can’t deny your calling. You’ve been released. And I want to thank you, because your release, encourages mine.  ~ read more ~

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Posted in adoption, christianity, faith, infertility, life, relationships, The Process The Promise, uncategorized - Tagged book, Chelle Wilson, e-books, five minute friday, God, Marcy Hanson, release, women, Words

For When You Feel Restless

Jun 11, 2014 28 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson
whatsnextforbillfranklin

what’s next for Bill Franklin? He doesn’t seem restless

Restless. I woke up to the sound of the littlest lovelies immersed in free play. Around my head. Apparently there was a need for more boys in the kingdom they’d created. Who would get out of bed to retrieve Bill Franklin, Ade’s plush toy mouse?

I didn’t want to know and feigning sleep, turned over. But I was up and had been for over an hour. Restless, I’d already tapped out the events for the day on my mental activity planner. I’d thought as far as dinner. That’s rare.  ~ read more ~

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Posted in christianity, faith, life, uncategorized - Tagged #TellHisStory, blog, Coffee for Your Heart, encouragement, ephesians 1:11-12, God, restless, what God has for me, what's next, Words

Sometimes…on taking a break : musings on slow

May 28, 2014 19 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson
photo : flickr cc / Jim the Photographer

photo : flickr cc / Jim the Photographer

Sometimes…my head aches with the dull roar of too many thoughts. Scampering one after another across so many channels – the magic of the synapse. A transference of information…One thought leading to another. And yet another. It’s electrical but I feel my mental cup…runneth over. I crave slow…snail mail and aimless walks. Sometimes just enough will do just fine.

My love of words and now the public sharing of them has reached an unexpected apex. And this is the part where I continue, where I learn to climb over and through, visit and revisit my exploration of writing. This is the part where by faith, I take a little break.  ~ read more ~

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Posted in christianity, faith, life, relationships, uncategorized - Tagged #TellHisStory, break, God, slow, sometimes, Words, wrtiting

Give Me Grace : on saying yes and facing fear

May 24, 2014 47 Comments ~ Written by lisha epperson
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photo: flickr cc / jtravism

The thing about saying yes is…. after you jump…maybe even the second you jump, you’ll have to face your fear. A full frontal assault on every thing you believe confronts you mid-air. Any bravado you’ve mustered plummets and the thrill of jumping turns to fear. You’re alone. A rush of sudden clarity hits and you remember every reason you hesitated in the first place.

That’s what happened when I jumped last weekend. My first post at #GiveMeGrace was followed by a few days of chest pressing immobility. The words shut up in my bones like dry marrow. Stuck, caked on the hallways of my heart. I didn’t know how I’d push through or what I’d say next.

Because…  ~ read more ~

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Posted in christianity, faith, Give Me Grace, life, uncategorized - Tagged #GiveMeGrace, blog, fear, God, prayer, Words
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lisha epperson

lisha epperson

recipient of grace, lover of family, woman of God. Christian, homeschooling mama of 5, wife of 1. believer in miracles and the promise of redemption. passionate about parenting, adoption, women, nutrition, dance, fashion. a lover of words.....

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