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Give Me Grace : Sarah Laughed

Aug 09, 2014 ~ 47 Comments ~ Written by Lisha Epperson
sarah laughed

“Sarah Laughed” by Rae Antonoff

11-12 Abraham and Sarah were old by this time, very old. Sarah was far past the age for having babies. Sarah laughed within herself, “An old woman like me? Get pregnant? With this old man of a husband?” (Genesis 19 11-12 MSG)

Sarah lied. She said, “I didn’t laugh,” because she was afraid. But he said, “Yes you did; you laughed.” (‭Genesis‬ ‭18‬:‭15‬ MSG)

Abraham was a hundred years old when his son Isaac was born. Sarah said, God has blessed me with laughter and all who get the news will laugh with me! (‭Genesis‬ ‭21‬:‭5-6‬ MSG)

 Sarah laughed. 

We were on our way home. 4 days 3 nights. A minivan, my love and lovelies. After a few days away we were on our way home. Camping at Lake George was beautiful but one can eat only so many grilled to perfection burgers. Besides, the morning run to the bathroom with Chailah was getting old. Note to self, next time? Bring a porta-a-potty.

South bound traffic on I87 crawled but the sound of laughter filled the car. It was the sound of children responding to a few days of fresh air, good food and extra loving. They were happy.  Punch drunk from marshmallows and late nights by a fire – our mini vacation had done them well.

Laughter. I laughed too. In that moment God reminded me how much my laughter has changed.

Pause. Rewind, freeze frame, flashback. Click. Click. Click. Remember. It was as if I’d dreamed the moment and in it, remembered Sarah.  Sarah’s laughter. At one time it was my own. Never mind what people said, for the most part they were encouraging. Months turned years sprinkled with baby showers and holidays found me holding little more than a dream. My empty arms foretold the story of the ones I lost. At least that’s how it felt to me. I ached for a child, felt my heart-break for a child.

It was me. I didn’t believe. I was my worst enemy, my only rival. Believing the god of fertility hadn’t done its magical dance over me, I pushed aside the one true God who said He loved me. Anyway.

It was easier to toy around with lesser gods than put my hope in the all-powerful. Part of me let go of believing. Because believing hurts. But I know the body shiver of concealed laughter, of the self-deprecating laugh Sarah gave. Part disbelief, part self preservation…sometimes we laugh to dull our senses. But each time I did it, I brushed aside my blessing. Dismissed His power. Believing is hard but doubt is harmful to your health.  Laughter hid the dis-ease of disbelief.

I did, I chuckled “yeah right” with Sarah. Sarah laughed and so did I.

And I would have lied about it too.

Yet, that moment was part of every longing for motherhood, every hope against denial, every reason for wanting. It was part of my souls song. My childhood memories, my destiny. And I heard it in their laughter.

Three boys and two girls. Gods great provision against my hopeless situation. Only He always knew. And held my broken winged body close whispering don’t give up, keep believing, time will heal, be willing to alter the dream, take a different path. To listen – even when I didn’t understand.

Their laughter filled me with joy. Ringing through my mother spirit as a dance I’ve known since the beginning of time. Rocking me gently, back and forth.

It was his promise manifested as a tickle in my throat. And I leaned forward to release it with a few tears. My delight in everything and nothing. The moment. I was made for it. My laughter transformed. Full and free. Lighthearted, unburdened. My doubt, like Sarah’s, redeemed as unbridled faith.

Three boys and two girls. I laugh within myself and I think God laughs too.

Let your handmaiden find grace in your sight…#GiveMeGrace
♥
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*** I found the beautiful work of Rae Antonoff on Etsy.***

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Lisha Epperson Lisha Epperson
Posted in christianity, faith, Give Me Grace, infertility, life, motherhood, uncategorized - Tagged #GiveMeGrace, children, dance, dream, faith, Genesis 18:15, God, laughter, mother, rae antonoff, Sarah, sarah laughed
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  • 47 Replies
  • 29 Comments
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Last reply was 5 months ago
mamatiggsinNOLA retweeted this
  1. @lishaepperson
    View 5 months ago

    Give Me Grace : Sarah Laughed http://t.co/1QwRaYIwnE

    3dlessons4life retweeted this
    Reply
  2. Chelle
    View 5 months ago

    Lisha,
    this is so very good. I am desperately needing to laugh at myself and your words make it so. Bless you for your faithfulness.
    Love you, girl. May He always give us Grace.
    Peace and good to you.
    Chelle recently posted…Don’t give up yet…My Profile

    Reply
  3. lisha eppersonreplied:
    View 5 months ago

    He uses it all. Our laughter and tears. Redeems it all. Bless you beauty. Can’t wait to share some inrl laughter with you Chelle.

    Reply
  4. Linda@Creekside
    View 5 months ago

    Dear Lisha … your laughter, your joy is simply contageous, my friend. And when I look at your gorgeous lovelies, my heart joins yours in soaring high with gratitude …
    Linda@Creekside recently posted…For When You’re Living in a Fantasy WorldMy Profile

    Reply
  5. lisha eppersonreplied:
    View 5 months ago

    Their laughter was beautiful and almost unexpected. We were all so tired and ready to go home. They had every reason to be grumpy, but they weren’t. They laughed. What a gift. Happy Sunday Linda.

    Reply
  6. Sonya McCllough
    View 5 months ago

    No thing but a beautiful blessing!
    Sonya McCllough recently posted…Six steps to use PicMonkey to add a picture to a picture {superimpose}My Profile

    Reply
  7. lisha eppersonreplied:
    View 5 months ago

    Indeed Sonya.

    Reply
  8. JESUS, THE RIGHTEOUS ONE, ADVOCATES FOR US!... -
    View 5 months ago

    […] #GiveMeGrace […]

    Reply
  9. Carol Hiestand | Something profound . . .
    View 5 months ago

    […] There is something profound about being the only one left in one's biological family of origin. Some years I think about it more than others, but this past week I have very aware that nine years ago my brother and I spent our last day together. It was August 5,2005 – two months and 27 days before he would get lost in the Montana Mountains and die of hypothermia before they found him. And when I visit his family in Montana, he is not there where he is supposed to be. Instead, his hat hangs on the wall. A good friend suggested I was more aware of it now that both of my parents are gone. And my pondering led me to be more acutely aware that while I am surrounded by my own family now and many nurturing friendships, no one alive knows me "when . . . ." Rayna Vaught Godfrey, PhD, a licensed psychologist says: "…there is a part of ourselves missing after the death of a sibling. Such a death leaves a seemingly unfillable hole, both within us and within our families. This is magnified for those who lose their only sibling and no longer have someone who shares their histories who can reminisce with them and can validate their family narratives." Last night someone asked me how I felt about that. I said mostly sad. And glad I had a lovely last day with my brother. And it seems important to honor this truth by sharing it here. And inviting you to remember it with me by reading about the last day I spent with my brother, Gordon Eugene Longenecker. CLICK HERE Linking with Barbie Swihart and The Weekend Brew. Lisha Epperson and Give Me Grace Community […]

    Reply
  10. Carol Longenecker Hiestand
    View 5 months ago

    Such a sweet read for a Saturday evening. Thank you. I do now know what it is like to have this kind of disappointment/pain. I am so glad you know this joy now of being a mom. (And I dont’ know why my whole post is appearing when i link. Is that something on my end?)
    Carol Longenecker Hiestand recently posted…Something profound . . .My Profile

    Reply
  11. lisha eppersonreplied:
    View 5 months ago

    It was a good day Carol. A lean in and laugh with God kind of moment. Not sure why you’re having that problem. I am the complete opposite of techy.

    Reply
  12. @lishaepperson
    View 5 months ago

    @RaeAnDesigns
    Your work is gorgeous. Thanks again.Here’s the link.
    http://t.co/5WW7XLvgh4

    Reply
  13. @RaeAnDesignsreplied:
    View 5 months ago

    “Sarah Laughed” is featured on @lishaepperson’s latest blog post! #micrography #art
    http://t.co/syRgUMqtPS

    lishaepperson retweeted this
    Reply
  14. Elizabeth Stewart
    View 5 months ago

    I love your miracle story of your God given children after infertility and miscarriage. All five of our grandchildren are the result of similar miracles!
    Elizabeth Stewart recently posted…Psalm 5:11…My Profile

    Reply
  15. lisha eppersonreplied:
    View 5 months ago

    I know this feeling is fresh for your family. Isn’t God good?

    Reply
  16. Heather @ My Overflowing Cup
    View 5 months ago

    I love what you said about toying around with lesser gods instead of putting your hope in the all-powerful. It amazes me how easy it is for us to do that. Thank you for this beautiful post!
    Heather @ My Overflowing Cup recently posted…No-Bake Energy BitesMy Profile

    Reply
  17. lisha eppersonreplied:
    View 5 months ago

    Believing the all powerful meant accepting He might choose a different path for me. I was so busy trying to make myself fertile by doing. Took me awhile to let that go but so glad I did.

    Reply
  18. Joanne Viola
    View 5 months ago

    Lisha, I love the point you brought out. No matter the impossibility, we tend to “laugh” when we think of God working it in our lives. But then when He does bring it to pass, we truly laugh with a joy only He can give. And I do think, He laughs with us as He sees our joy & delight in what He has done for it brings Him delight. May I have faith to trust Him more. Just loved this post!
    Joanne Viola recently posted…Never ShakenMy Profile

    Reply
  19. lisha eppersonreplied:
    View 5 months ago

    I laughed in disbwlief and laughed in delight. Feels good to appreciate the difference. Happy Sunday Joanne!

    Reply
  20. @JViola79
    View 5 months ago

    RT @lishaepperson: I chuckled “yeah right” with Sarah. And I would have lied about it too.
    #GiveMeGrace #infertility
    http://t.co/nzZEsMkN…

    Reply
  21. Barbara Isaac
    View 5 months ago

    Oh, how I love this. thank you. God working with our hearts, God changing our thinking,God being glorified in and through us. Thanks!
    Barbara Isaac recently posted…Casualty of WarMy Profile

    Reply
  22. Holly Barrett
    View 5 months ago

    You know, I’ve laughed at God too…at what He has called me to do, what He’s promised in my life, how much He loves me. Grateful for the reminder that He can turn a laugh of doubt into a laugh of promise and joy.
    Holly Barrett recently posted…Your face Lord, I will seekMy Profile

    Reply
  23. @HollySBarrett
    View 5 months ago

    Linking up with @lishaepperson for #GiveMeGrace here: http://t.co/7hlXKHKCjo

    lishaepperson retweeted this
    Reply
  24. Juliet Birkbeck
    View 5 months ago

    Lisha, that story of your laughter and Sarah’s laughter is just beautiful. My harsh laughs of self-protection have been for other reasons but I recognise the feelings here. Thank God we can see ourselves in Sarah.

    Reply
  25. lisha eppersonreplied:
    View 5 months ago

    No matter the reason, what Ive learned is we can all identify with Sarah. By His grace she is called a woman of faith. There’s hope for all of us. Love that you stopped by Juliet.

    Reply
  26. @Renewed_Daily
    View 5 months ago

    Give Me Grace : Sarah Laughed http://t.co/J57vOtXRmM via @seespkhearmama

    DebiSchuhow retweeted thisEllaMoore85 retweeted this
    Reply
  27. @lishaepperson
    View 5 months ago

    Believing is hard but doubt is harmful to your health. Laughter hid the dis-ease of disbelief.
    #GiveMeGrace
    http://t.co/SwXkGSEWnE

    Reply
  28. Gayl Wright
    View 5 months ago

    Lisha, this is beautiful! I love this: “Their laughter filled me with joy. Ringing through my mother spirit as a dance I’ve known since the beginning of time. Rocking me gently, back and forth.”
    Gayl Wright recently posted…Rest, My ChildMy Profile

    Reply
  29. lisha eppersonreplied:
    View 5 months ago

    The gift of motherhood is huge for me Gayl. Blogging gives me an oulet to express my gratitude. Bless you for reading.

    Reply
  30. Scripture Sunday: On the Line - Sandra Heska King
    View 5 months ago

    […] #GiveMeGrace […]

    Reply
  31. bluecottonmemory
    View 5 months ago

    We have both been in the same place – inside the tent, hearing God outside – and, not really. really. believing – because I didn’t know Him enough, didn’t understand faith enough – but He knew both our hearts – knew we both wanted to know Him better – to really believe what He says. God is so good. I’m so glad I understand who I am to Him now – and am growing to understand just how awesome is our God! This weekend, I savored the laughter of my 5 – and it went straight to my heart!
    bluecottonmemory recently posted…Finding God’s Take in 5 Sensory LivingMy Profile

    Reply
  32. lisha eppersonreplied:
    View 5 months ago

    I read your comment with a smile. Hope your birthday was fantastic!

    Reply
  33. Deb Wolf
    View 5 months ago

    Oh Lisha, This spoke to my heart and brought back so many memories. How blessed we are to love and serve the God of grace and mercy. Blessings dear friend!
    Deb Wolf recently posted…10 Ways to Celebrate Resurrect Romance Week & Make It LastMy Profile

    Reply
  34. lisha eppersonreplied:
    View 5 months ago

    I know you know the fullness of this experience Deb. And I keep coming bavk to it. The gift of motherhood wrecks me in the best way. Thank you for reading.

    Reply
  35. Denise J. Hughes
    View 5 months ago

    “Three boys and two girls. Gods great provision against my hopeless situation. Only He always knew. And held my broken winged body close whispering don’t give up, keep believing, time will heal, be willing to alter the dream, take a different path. To listen – even when I didn’t understand.”

    These words bring tears. To listen, even when we don’t understand. To trust, even when we don’t understand. To believe, even when we don’t understand.

    I love your heart and the way you express it on the page. Beautiful.

    Reply
  36. lisha eppersonreplied:
    View 5 months ago

    Thanks so much for these encouraging words Denise. I listened to your interview on How They Blog recently. So nice to officially meet you here. Have a great week!

    Reply
  37. @lishaepperson
    View 5 months ago

    For the late night crew..#GiveMeGrace http://t.co/gDLEJlxgAs

    Reply
  38. Marcy Hanson
    View 5 months ago

    “My delight in everything and nothing.” Amen, my friend. You bring Sarah to life and I can just feel the joy radiating from that minivan. So glad you had a good break.
    Marcy Hanson recently posted…Jesus ComeMy Profile

    Reply
  39. Elizabeth
    View 5 months ago

    Hi Lisha,
    Every time I read your blog, when it hurts too much to take another step on this journey to motherhood, your amazing words help me run the next mile! Thank you!

    Reply
  40. lisha eppersonreplied:
    View 5 months ago

    Elizabeth your words today are a balm. Infertility is such a heavy burden to bear and even now, on the other side I just pray to encourage. Thank you for reminding me that the words matter. Set your heart to hope friend, always hope. Have a great weekend.

    Reply
  41. 22 letters with my cup of coffee | Still learning
    View 5 months ago

    […]  I’m linking up with Lisha Epperson who hosts a Sunday link party called Give me Grace. […]

    Reply

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lisha epperson

lisha epperson

recipient of grace, lover of family, woman of God. Christian, homeschooling mama of 5, wife of 1. believer in miracles and the promise of redemption. passionate about parenting, adoption, women, nutrition, dance, fashion. a lover of words.....

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