Grounding : Forgiveness
“Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive.” - C.S. Lewis
At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, “Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?”22 Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven. – Matthew 18 : 21-22 The Message
I received an email from an assistant at the church plant my family attends now. You might remember it, my certain brook for such a time as this. The one I walk to. We’ve experienced the temperature dip that pronounces summer officially over in New York City. It’s all about layers and scarfs and rustling leaves. There’s a biting chill in the air that foretells a harsh winter – but I still love our walk.
I’ve committed to assisting in one way or another once a month. I’ve only served as a dance minister in other congregations…so this is new. On the form I couldn’t decide where I wanted to be used so I asked God to use me however he needed me. So far that’s included prayer after service, serving communion and last weeks first time request.
I opened the email with little expectation. We’ve worshipped there a few months now and I’ve gotten used to the flow of connection with regard to communication. But this week was a little different. I received two emails. The first asked if I was available to serve that weekend offering no clear directive. Ummm…ok. Whatever, however Lord. I confirm my availability and answer yes. And then the second email….
“Thanks Lisha. Could you read scripture in the service? The scripture is
Matthew 18:21-35 (NIV Version). Just let me know if you would be willing to do that.”
And just like that God called me to a face to face meeting where I’d be forced to think about the spot on my heart. The almost undetectable blemish that I successfully cover – most days. But His word is a powerful scan, highlighting things I deny, revealing hidden truths. Scars. It’s there – The “f”word. Forgiveness.
I already know where this is going but the little girl gangsta in me feigns innocence. I clutch my pearls or cowrie shells or whatever and act like God didn’t just call me out. I sit with my bible and read the words. I imagine how my voice will sound wafting through a room full of people. I wonder where I should pause for significance and how I might allow my voice to rise and fall for effect. In the light of His works, my reputation and performance are of no importance. I know this. It’s only what I do for His name and renown that matters but like I said, I’m struggling. My head takes over just as the walls go up around my heart. I’m on lock down, in full on defense mode.
I’m not half way though before the Holy Spirit power of those words jumps off the page and wrestles me to my knees. “This word is for you. You, Lisha , have to forgive.”
And that’s all kinds of hellish scary and hard. I don’t know how to forgive. I know I’m called to do it but I don’t want to. Forgiveness comes in stages. Today its a strange mix of denial and maintenance. It’s asking for grace to make it through another day. Sometimes it’s keeping quiet. Others, it’s a fist shaking scream to the heavens where I beg God to remove the thorn. It’s causing me to limp and I don’t want to look like a victim. Jesus, you know I can’t let them see me weak.
I know that word was for me. I’ll stay grounded in the truth of His forgiveness for me. I’ll ask for grace to believe it and look forward to the freedom it promises. It is lovely isn’t it…until you’re called to do it. Touché Mr. Lewis. Touché.
I guess I’ll start here.. Lord, have patience with me, help me extend that grace to others. Lord let me learn from your example. Lord forgive me and teach me to forgive.
That I’m asking for something I haven’t been able to give isn’t lost on me, it’s just God’s way of humbling me, laying bare, my great need.
Let your handmaiden finds grace in your sight..#GiveMeGrace
Joining The Nester for the #31Days Writing Challenge
Oh… sister. I’m left sitting here, His presence washing over me via your surrendered heart. Your letting Him into those tender, raw places, your receiving of that word as your own — it’s breathtaking and so holy. I love you. And I love Him. And I love how He loves.
Dana Butler recently posted…When the Waiting Might Possibly Never End
I appreciate a spiritual slap in the face every now and then. And oh how I needed it. He knows me and it’s only one of the ways He loves me well. Blessings to you today Dana.
Me too.
I’m not sure I know how to forgive either.
It’s a daily work in laying low and asking Jesus to fill my gaps.
{love your honest heart, Lisha.}
Lori Harris recently posted…Truth Telling and the Bottom Rung
This is the prayer….that His holiness be poured over me. Praying it for you too Lori!
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Such beauty in grace especially when we freely extend it to ourselves and others. I pray that you accept this gift of grace and let it soak in to those raw spots that are still learning to accept it and then set it free! Blessings!
Mary Geisen recently posted…Sunday Morning Always Comes-Mercy
I accept it Mary and now to let it fill to overflowing. Let it pour out. Happy Sunday!
This is beautiful and so raw. I’m not sure what you’re struggling to forgive and you are absolutely right about it being easy to say until you have to eat your own words. But, I’m sure you already know when that moment finally arrives and you forgive, you will be set free from the hold that the unforgiving has had on you, whether you know it does or not. It took me all but 35 years to forgive people, starting with my own mother who has inflicted wounds so deeply in me that it is still a struggle. But it’s not a struggle that defines me and once I made that huge step, I freed myself to be the woman that God has prepared me to be. It is life altering, though no one may know about it, but you and God. And in the end, that’s all that matters. God bless you Lisha. And I will pray for this. p.s. your family…. gorgeous!
I’m new at this, so not as well written, but you can read some of my struggle here…http://tinakachmar.blogspot.com/2014/11/open-letter-to-my-mother.html
Hi Tina! I know it’s a process and I’m in the middle of it. I have to forgive, it’s for my own good and I think I have but I’m ironing out what it looks like now and into the future. I rest knowing He knows and holds me forever. Thanks for sharing such encouraging words.
Lisha, I feel your heart here. Your writing is always so beautiful and full of grace. God’s forgiveness is real and He is so patient with us even when we struggle.
Gayl Wright recently posted…A Beautiful Autumn Day
I’m grounded in that Gayl. I know it’s real because the transformative work He’s done in my life. It’s based on forgiveness. Thank you for being here..for praying me through the process.
lisha, so beautiful to listen to your heart…and hear GOD’s spirit who works through His word at times we don’t expect, in ways we don’t expect. who knew that He would use your willingness to serve as a way to stretch you as you learn to forgive? isn’t it amazing the way He works?
is there any one of us who doesn’t have more to learn in terms of forgiveness? i learn a little here and there and feel i make progress and then i look at what Jesus did and think…i don’t know anything about forgiveness. i have barely begun to learn.
once again, i love your heart. blessings. your church is blessed to have you.
martha brady recently posted…IT’S YOUR TURN…
I do love how he loves me. How he arranges the details of my life to include a message/lesson I could hear. Learning is ongoing. I’ll be His student…forever. Love you Martha!
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Yep, that scripture was for me to. Deeper than I thought it went, this little bruise that keeps getting pushed and I can feel the callous forming. The problem is that the bruise is still there, not healing properly because the blood flow isn’t right and when something sharp pricks the callous, it pushes on the bruised tissue underneath.
I needed this reminder, Lisha. Thank you!
~Dawn
Dawn recently posted…Come and sit at the Table of Grace
We know how to pray for each other Dawn. Lord, remove the blemish, break down the callous. Whatever it is Lord, teach us to love,to forgive, like you. Amen.
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I often pray for God to forgive me and help me to be forgiving. It’s impossible without His help, love and grace to not hold on to offenses and resentment.
I guess it works in stages but I thought I had forgiven. He showed me I hadn’t fully which is not at all. Yes and amen to truly letting go. Thanks for being here today Elizabeth.
“His word is a powerful scan…” Yes, indeed. At times like these – when the Word brings me to my knees, I remember that He also said that “it’s His kindness that leads us to repentance.”
Patricia @ Pollywog Creek recently posted…I {LOVE} November Sundays::to give thanks in the congregation…
Isn’t that the truth Patricia. His kindness leads to repentance . His example of love and grace bring me back to the throne…over and over again. Bless you!
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I just love how God gently calls us out and leads us to Him first. He’ll get louder and louder, of course, if He doesn’t get our attention, but He brings that still, small voice–and if we will just listen it will impact us beyond measure. Thanks Lisha. Wonderful post.
Jason Stasyszen recently posted…Sanctuary: upon the Waters
Oh I heard Him loud and clear Jason and I’m grateful for the way He continues to pursue me. Ai just love seeing you here…not many men around the #GiveMeGrace community and I hope you know how much I appreciate your voice and perspective. Happy Sunday!
This Lisha, gave me pause…”That I’m asking for something I haven’t been able to give isn’t lost on me, it’s just God’s way of humbling me, laying bare, my great need.”
Oh Lord, help me to forgive that I might be forgiven…and in the in-between, may we be immersed in his mercy.
Isn’t He cool like that Cayn? He keeps me running to the mercy seat. Thanks for visiting today!
I hate when He does that… calls us out like that. And I love it. Most of the time.
The forgiveness I struggle with the most is forgiving myself, followed by what someone has done to someone I love. Much easier to let go of offenses done to me.
Sandra Heska King recently posted…Scripture Sunday: Door
Of course at the time, I’m not feeling it but the moment I step back and see what He’s done….I’m filled with gratitude for the extra mile He goes to reach me. feeling completely grounded in His amazing love.
Such a beautiful, tender post. Thanks for hosting & God bless!
Laurie Collett recently posted…Flowing Triplets: Let Your Light Shine!
I’m always drawn in and beautifully touched by your grace-soaked, heart-filled words. I love hearing how God moves in and through. How His grace touches your heart and those you come in contact with. Hugs, beautiful friend!
Jolene Underwood (@Faith_Eyes) recently posted…When unexpected love breaks your heart
In and through. Before and behind. He’s with me. Yes, indeed Jolene.
I have been not as active on here recently but its good to be back.
Yeh, God does things like that doesn’t he. I love how you are opening yourself up to be led, not all of a sudden declaring it’s all done, that you have arrived…just like that.
It usually doesn’t work anyway. I had an experience of needing to forgive, but God told me he would let me know when I needed to take that out and look at it again, as I was currently in a season of deep grief over losing my brother and this thing that needed the forgiveness piece was unrelated. a couple months later the message was clear – time to take it out and come to God about it again. I did and He did do the work of forgiveness in y heart.
Carol Longenecker Hiestand recently posted…The most wasted of days is the one without laughter!
Hi Carol, you crossed my mind the other day so I’m glad to see you here. My situation is a bit like yours.A revisiting of sorts of some old junk. Time for excavation and renovation. I heard the message loud and clear “forgive” and now to obey. Lord #GiveMeGrace.
[…] Linking with Lisha Epperson and GiveMeGraceCommunity […]
didn’t intend to link this one, but oops. here it is. too bad i can’t undo!
Carol Longenecker Hiestand recently posted…The most wasted of days is the one without laughter!
No worries. Don’t you hat when that happens. There should be a way around it but so far I haven’t found one.
[…] Linking with Lisha Epperson and GiveMeGraceCommunity […]
I struggle not so much with the forgiveness, but how to live forgiveness when the hurting continues. I love, though, how our Father, doesn’t give up on us, even if it takes years!
bluecottonmemory recently posted…Beyond the Clouds to the Blue Sky
He definitely pulled my number out of the hat with that one. I do appreciate his loving and continued pursuit though. A calling out of sorts in a public place definitely got my attention. Hey, whatever it takes. Looking forward to sharing your work with my children. Have a great week.
Do remember that conversation we had in a friend’s basement, just a few weeks ago? It has stayed with me. I don’t know if I told you about the phone call between my husband and me, early the next morning. The one where I indignantly recounted to him the audacity of such an idea. Forgiveness! Ha! Me? Well, my husband didn’t answer the way I thought he would. And so I’m with you on this one, Lisha. God doesn’t let us off the hook, does he?
Deidra recently posted…The Gift of Work
No, He doesn’t Deidra. I do remember you telling me about H’s response to your rant. At least I’m not alone. In fact I’d say I’m in good company. #LearningAllTheTime