Give Me Grace : Grounding – on Being Loved {Day 10}

photo : flickr cc / arvin asadi

You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me. Pslam 139:5

As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds his people both now and forevermore. – Psalm 125:2

I called my mother the other day. Nearing the end of my rope, I needed grounding. A familiar voice, my matrix, my mama. I didn’t want to burden her so we talked about everything but what’s been going on with me lately. I avoided all talk of myself by focusing on the adventures of the The Lovelies.

I told her about skating and test prep. Ade’s newest alter ego and Chailah’s ballet class. We talked until I couldn’t hold it in anymore.  In an exasperated rush I let go…”I’m tired.” It’s a perfect word to hide behind, suggesting more about the crazy that is parenting in NYC and less about my personal wilderness. She listened and went on to remind me I have exactly what I wanted (her way of saying “quit complaining, ain’t nobody got time for that”).

I had to suck it up…because I wasn’t being honest. For her, saying I’m tired said everything about my physical state and little about my heart – even though that’s where I’m worn the most. Still, I felt better after speaking with her. I felt the familiar I told you so and finger wag delivered with mothers wit and so much grace. I felt the comfort of her love.

And even though I didn’t have the conversation I wanted (I wasn’t ready for that), I got a healthy dose of my mothers love. I got the conversation that grounded me – encouragement to press through another season.

I am a daughter being loved by a mother.

Later that day an old friend called. And I grounded myself in the memory of our close friendship. Life has taken us on different paths and our homeschool schedules haven’t synched in a long while.  The late night phone calls – equal parts encouragement and complaining sessions – have all but disappeared.

She asked me how I was doing. And out it came. “I’m tired”. She fished through the usual complaints to see my struggle and lifted my ego with the best kind of endorsement. The only kind she could offer given such limited information. In one fell swoop she blew fresh wind on the dry bones of my motherhood and offered me an opportunity.

This time, a conversation I didn’t expect, but definitely one I needed. Our conversation that day grounded me in friendship. I was reminded of my value and worth in my community. Of how much he loves me though my friends – a holy hand-picked bunch of people who ground me in community.

I am a woman being loved by a friend.

And then I read these words…on a printout from 2004. “But I will give you expression with the pen, says The Lord, to be able to write the things that pertain to the worship of The Lord”. A prophetic word from my former pastor, words I don’t remember. Because back then, if God didn’t have anything to say about my body finally lining up to achieve a successful pregnancy – well, I wasn’t interested. Ten years later, He loves me with a letter. One I hadn’t read, one He saved ( the stack I found it in was on its way to the trash), for such a time as this. He grounded me with the surprise of his blood stained love poured out in black and white.

I am a girl being loved by her God.

Today I’m grounded in a love that extends beyond the arms of my husband and children. I’m caught in the grace of community, held in a love that’s secure. Home is a haven but he’s cast my net of love wide, extending beyond the borders of my home and the handful of city blocks I travel every day. His love seals and saves. It surrounds me. In this, He loves me well.

Let your handmaiden find grace in your sight…#GiveMeGrace

♥

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Lisha Epperson