Give Me Grace : Growing Older With God

photo : flickr cc / juan felipe

I lift my hands in total adoration unto You – Lamar Campbell

They will still bear fruit even in old age; they will be luxuriant and green. – Psalm 92:14

I heard and believed the lie that growing older means I have to let go of all the great things I love.

It’s the kind of soul killing whisper that quietly makes its way to your marrow. You barely recognize it until you look back and wonder when you stopped…singing, serving…dancing. I’m surprised I fell for that one because the opposite is true. I’ve seen Carmen De Lavallade…I know better.  I am the right age for every thing and can do…almost anything. The passionate pursuit of dreams is what keeps us alive.

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After lunch and before dishes on Fridays, I sit down to make phone calls. With my family planner and cell phone, a pencil and favorite mug of coffee I sat down to do the business of running a family. Dentists appointments, play dates, classes… the typical “where do we have to be and when” that’s become a weekly ritual.

It’s mid December and we need a break. My body feels sluggish. I need to move. A lot of the schedule I mentioned earlier involves time in the car. Too much time. I’ve settled into a life without movement this year. Sure, I get my yoga on from time to time but I’m thinking about making dance a regular part of my week again. Not the weekly class I teach but a class for me. Where this broken down ballerina can get back in shape and praise God in one of the most important ways He speaks. He speaks through movement, a willing vessel in the form of a human body is a glorious opportunity for God to have his say. But I’m in the dancers over 40 crew. Well over 40. A midlife baby followed by a lower back injury gave me every reason to believe it was time to stop. I’m too old..too injured…too busy. Can I get it back? That I wonder about this worries me. Am I too old? Is it really over?

I know this won’t be easy so I’ve decided to ease into my mornings with music. Maybe the music will call out my sleeping dancer. I’ll lure her with a few shoulders rolls. Tempt her with a few plies. In the narrow space between the stove and sink I’ll tease her with the luxury of a full-out port de bras. Then we’ll sit down for breakfast. My inner ballerina likes food.

This morning it’s Christmas music. I create a station on Pandora featuring Mary J. Blige. She released a beautiful Christmas cd last year, besides, what’s Christmas without a little r&b flow. Right? I’m loving the selections, Whitney Houston, Stevie Wonder, Mariah Carey. It’s good. The soulful sounds I grew up with fill a part of me that remembers block parties and corn rows, hanging out with my girlfriends after school…singing all the songs into a tape recorder. The press play kind.

About twenty minutes in the station does a shift. It’s not Christmas music but it is about Christ. It’s straight up gospel. Tasha Cobb and Fred Hammond and Israel…ohh Israel Houghton.

While I’m remembering the good time feeling of dance ministry More than Anything by Lamar Campbell begins. I’ve only heard this song a handful of times but it’s one of my favorites. The lyrics are simple. Like the genius of a middle schooler in love. Brilliant.

The melody lifts my arms… the words become my own. My heart overflows with the kind of praise that won’t keep still. My lazy dancer is ready to roar.

I lift my hands in total adoration unto You
You reign upon the throne
For You are God and God alone
Because of You my cloudy days are gone
I can sing to You this song
I just want to say that I love You more than anything

Love me in Your Arms
You were my shelter from the storm
When all my friends were gone
You were right there all along
I never knew a love like this before, Oh
I just want to say that I love You more than anything

I Love You Jesus
I worship and adore You
Just want to tell
Lord, I Love You more than anything

And my soul knows well…this….

I’m growing older but dance will never leave me. I’ll find a way to make room. He’ll offer opportunities. We’ll grow deeper and wider, and higher. I’ll grow older and better. He’ll heal. I’ll recover. I’ll mellow and ripen. I’ll pray through each sweet movement. I’ll never stop dancing.

It wasn’t long before I was interrupted by a Lovely or two. So the moment didn’t last but the feeling did. I tucked it safely away for later – when the quiet of my home would open space for quiet praise. More than anything, in that moment I wanted to dance.

That night…when everyone went to sleep…I pushed aside the legos and cars, the dolls and bey blades and made room to hear what he wanted to tell me earlier.

This is what happened, unedited, no makeup, poor sound, tiny space, almost kicked the chair…holy improvisation…you get the picture.

Growing older with Him is glorious.  He promises to preserve. At any age, at every stage, surrender yourself to praise. Dance His glory.

What about you? Has growing older slowed you down? Kept you from doing some of the things you love? Do you offer praise in your physical body? Do you dance? What does praise look for you?

Let your handmaiden find grace in your sight…#GiveMeGrace

♥

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Lisha Epperson