Monthly archives for October, 2013

When You Think Infertility Is Forever :: Tell Your Story Day #29

Oct 31, 2013 4 Comments ~ Written by Lisha Epperson

stretching beyond :: forever
photo: bing images :yanivg

I didn’t want to be infertile forever. I thought talking about it after I’d gone through it would keep me trapped. Contained in a world of desperate, unfulfilled dreams. Even though mine had come true. Because the word, the feeling has a way of coloring everything you do. Being infertile makes you bitter and cynical. And there’s no hope or happiness for the infertile. Right? Part of the trap is you really believe the lies. You keep your story to yourself. But the truth is – writing about it and believing with other women has freed me.

Last week a friend said to me…”Lisha…you aren’t infertile anymore.” And I jumped back. Inside anyway. I’m pretty cool on the exterior and can hold that kind of thing in. Anyway…it struck something deep in me. I’m not infertile. Saying that makes me cry. Because I’ve never said it. The weight of those words tell a long ago tale of a girl who wanted to be a mama but wasn’t. They weigh heavily on my soul. Because that girl was me.

That girl is me. I am not infertile. But I remember. In a good way.

Adoption doesn’t cure infertility, but becoming a mother healed me. Baptism in the mother – hood by any means necessary was what I needed. Being a mother numbed me to the word infertility. The word…the fact was real. But his truth transforms and I no longer felt defeated by it. My daily life wasn’t consumed by it.

I wondered if writing, engaging dialogue, asking questions and praying about all this was perhaps a trick to keep me from moving forward. Can I write about infertility forever…will I identify with infertility forever?

Yes. And no.

Yes. I will identify with infertility forever. God keeps my heart soft for the current warriors in battle. I know my story, encouragement and prayer are Gods calling on my life to use something broken…my redeemed journey – for His glory.

No. I don’t expect I’ll write solely about infertility forever. I am a multi-faceted woman with, opinions and beliefs I want to share. I have stories to tell. I am alive and strive to be authentic. I can’t do that if I only talk about infertility. I can’t do that if I hold back on the other stories. Infertility is part of my story but it isn’t the only one. I know He has other secrets to share with me, other mysteries he’ll reveal. I’ll write about those as they come. The profound lessons learned on this path transfer to just about any hardship in life. I can easily see them woven into the fabric of adventures to come.

I did have a baby. And after so many years of infertility it was weird. And hard, and I felt like a traitor. I had to come to terms with that. Dual citizenship has its benefits but I thought someday, I’d have to choose. Have the baby and walk away…into the supposed sunset in the land of the fertile? Or stay…available for service to others? My instinct was always to reach back…. at least try to help. I never considered walking away. I chose to tell the story.

I don’t want to down play the miracle. God showed up big in my life. But I know his purpose, his plan in me was hard-won. And it was won through my infertility. I can’t forget that. He used that season to seal me. Am I infertile forever? No. The word infertility doesn’t define me. But it has shaped part of my calling. I am a warrior for women and most importantly, forever….His. My story – interlaced, with the forever of his eternal love.

A little word…

I will declare that your love stands firm forever, that you have established your faithfulness in heaven itself. – Psalm 89:2

A little prayer…

Infertility Prayer Day #29

You can catch up on earlier posts in this series by clicking here.

Posted in adoption, christianity, faith, infertility, life, motherhood, The Process The Promise, uncategorized - Tagged #31days, encouragement, forever, God, hope, infertility prayer, story, women

Day Off :: a Beautifully Made Transition Day #28

Oct 30, 2013 6 Comments ~ Written by Lisha Epperson

Today is our last day off for the month. I’d hoped to do our usual – share music, crafty and fun things or introduce you to some of my favorite people. But late Monday evening my daughter began her dance with the moon and my heart is full of all the dreams and love I have for her. Indulge me as I share a few of my thoughts on this beautifully made transition.

Blessings to you on your day off!

one of our day's off - woman to woman style

graced to experience her beautifully made transition
woman to woman style
winter 2012 (first snow)

Last night, my first-born daughter joined me under the moonlight.
We danced.
She…taking her first steps
Pointing her toes in a warm pool of lunar loveliness
Testing her connection with women, with wisdom …and the beautifully made divine.

Rumblings and quakes foretold the coming of this day.

She moved and spun around me all year. We fought. Our cosmic collisions inevitable.

Pulling away but still attracted, still attached to her center.

My core. The Son.

She stays on my radar.
Orbiting around my mother sun
We’re establishing a new way of being.
Mother / daughter – women? Stars?
Redefining our connection
Because she isn’t a baby.
Anymore.
She was born a fierce woman of God
A supernova
And I will trail her brilliance
and give her reasons to track mine

She…my girl, my lovely one, my pretty princess.
Shines bright.
There is another woman in the house.
Another beautifully made, creative and powerful
Woman of God …. in the house.

You can catch up with earlier posts in this series by clicking here.

Posted in adoption, christianity, faith, infertility, life, motherhood, relationships, The Process The Promise, uncategorized - Tagged #31days, beautifully made, change, God, infertility prayer, women

When You Face the End of Your Fertility Journey :: Day #27

Oct 29, 2013 3 Comments ~ Written by Lisha Epperson

walking toward the end of fertility road with a smile…

This is the post that cuts the deepest. Because the topic unearths me, places me front and center…in the now of my fertility journey.

So here it is…

One successful pregnancy wasn’t enough for me. The beauty of a full belly and the experience of nursing made me want it again. In fact, I secretly hoped to conceive again…almost immediately after giving birth. 6 weeks was too long to wait. I listened to and wanted to believe all the stories about heightened fertility after pregnancy. I wanted to do it again.

There was a glitch. I wasn’t sure if I wanted another baby or just the experience of pregnancy. Actually having a living baby gave me confidence in my body’s ability. This was refreshing after infertility, which made me doubt my body in a way that made me feel ugly and unworthy. And – there were so many fears. I didn’t walk through my pregnancy the way , people do now. There were no posts on Facebook, no public sonograms, no belly shots. No grand announcements. Most people didn’t know we were expecting. Unless you were in our current life rotation…passing us by in the neighborhood, through homeschooling or work…you didn’t know. Because we couldn’t talk about something we weren’t sure was really happening.

I think I wanted a do over.

On my next birthday I’ll be 48. It was only a few weeks ago when I had the life shifting thought that kind of rocked my world. At the skating rink with Ila I saw a parent come in with a baby. She climbed the steps to the seating area after dropping off her skater and came to join the other parents. The months old baby was in a sling. Tender, soft and new. The woman, flushed with life and the busyness of motherhood…glowed. Sweet right? Negative. My first thought? – “not feeling that stage again”. It’s weird having those thoughts.

I confessed this to my husband who practically celebrated. Happy to have me off the baby track, he congratulated me for finally coming to my senses. I’m grateful to him for not laughing at me a few months after Ade’ was born. He humored me but was always honest in sharing his position. He was done. We’d received our miracles and won the lottery after risking my life. That chapter of our lives…for him, was over.

So I’m dancing toward an end to this journey. My body is quieting. I sense subtle changes in my cycle and in myself that signal the arrival of a new phase of life. I’m not sad. I will gracefully let go of the things of youth and embrace this next chapter.

I’m putting away dreams of fertility, birth and babies and can’t complain. My motherhood career has been rich in ways I find myself grateful for. On the flip side of my grief, I found gratitude. I’ve known tears and surrender and redemption, and grace. I have many years of motherhood before me and like I always say…”I’m still on the playground.”

an encouraging word…found on the blog of Barbara Albright “The Empty Nest Mom”

“Middle age is not the period of high anxiety that we’ve been led to believe. For most people, mid-life is the place to be.” – Patricia Cohen author – In Our Prime

A prayer…

Infertility Prayer Day #27

You catch up with earlier posts in this series by clicking here.

Posted in christianity, faith, infertility, life, relationships, The Process The Promise, uncategorized - Tagged #31days, fertility, God, infertility prayer, mid-life, Motherhood, mothering over 40, women

When You Find Yourself Still {living child-free} – Day #26

Oct 27, 2013 5 Comments ~ Written by Lisha Epperson

have you found yourself – living child-free?
photo: flickr cc : epSos.de

Have you chosen to be still? Have you found yourself living child-free?

I have tremendous admiration for women who powerfully choose this path – because this…was not an option for me. Rather than being a single facet of a multidimensional life, our culture still cultivates a belief that the female experience is incomplete without the title of mother. I struggled with this and couldn’t find my happy place. I fought to define myself as a woman without children.

I wonder too, if women choose it. Do time and circumstance conspire against their plans for motherhood? Do they ultimately sink into resolve over a situation they’ve lost control of?

I believe all women mother. Spiritually…if not physically. Women nurture. Before walking into motherhood through marriage, adoption and birth I mothered as an aunt and godmother. It was always natural for me to give voice to my inner mother. She spoke and I transformed. From girl to woman … I tended and took care of. Mothering was always in me.

photo: Flickr CC by Kevin Dooley

So it’s hard to write about living child-free – to properly represent the women who didn’t choose but find themselves still…childless. To express the hard truth behind the decision to live with out children. I want to honor the women who walk in this space. Their bravery astounds me. But I wonder? What lies on the other side of this choice – this reality. As with any decision, is there a possibility of regret and what does that look like? I can’t answer those questions but a few of my friends can.

This is part of a guest post series I’m working on, by one of my very favorite women. It’s one of many portraits of the child-free life.

“I love children and most kids that I know love me. I love the way babies pull my hair and my earrings and pinch the mole on my face, how they laugh with their whole bodies. The way toddlers document their experiences with crayons and paper and try to do everything the adults around them do. They really do make my heart melt. On the other hand I’m blessed because when I’m done playing with them I get to give them back to mommy and daddy and go home to a quiet house, go on vacation when I want, stay out late, whatever it may be, I only answer to myself.
But I have to admit, within the last few months I have felt like something is missing in my life. I try to look into the future and it seems very lonely, no husband or children… While I believe it’s possible I might meet someone great and get married again, I don’t see myself being able to give birth simply because of my age. That thought doesn’t really upset me, what I do find disturbing is that due to the type of childhood that I had, I never saw myself as a mother.” – Dawn Hewitt age 46

There is so much more to discuss here and I want to go deeper. The topic is complex and I want to explore it fully by giving voice to the myriad experiences of women in this situation. You can connect with Dawn on her blog Tall Girl Late Bloom. Stay tuned for more installments in the series.

a prayer…

You can catch up on earlier posts in this series by clicking here.

Posted in christianity, faith, infertility, life, motherhood, The Process The Promise, uncategorized - Tagged #31days, child-free, children, God, hope, infertility prayer, women

What to Expect When You’re Expecting After Infertility – Day #25

Oct 25, 2013 6 Comments ~ Written by Lisha Epperson

A few weeks shy of my 44th birthday I learned I was pregnant…again. This had happened before and I brushed it off as another setup for failure. I’d had another miscarriage 2 years prior. My bodies last grasps at fertility were sort of a cruel joke. Two pregnancies in my 40’s? What was this all about? I didn’t expect this.

When I made it past 14 weeks (my longest pregnancy) – I allowed myself to imagine the possibility of meeting this baby. I began to expect him. I read scriptures, sang to and prayed for him. I wanted him. Hoped for him. Toyed with the belief that our spirits would tangibly collide in the human realm. I wanted to touch him. I knew the others…I just hadn’t touched them.

After the last miscarriage, I was done. I was 42 and happily the mother of 3 through adoption. I’d had enough of this pregnancy thing and didn’t expect my reproductive history would change. I cut my hair. I started taking care of my body again. I was walking towards resolution when I encountered God in pregnancy.

A pregnant, formerly infertile girl, gets to know her God well. What better way for our relationship to crystallize. For him to show me how much more he wanted from me. He wanted to fill my half full glass and he did it by bringing me low and on my knees as I walked with him through pregnancy. He took me to the secret place.

We made it through 33 weeks and 4 days of pregnancy. My water broke after 5 weeks of bed rest. I like to think he wanted to meet me just as much as I wanted to meet him. He was tiny. He was here. After 11 days in the nicu, I brought him home.

Pregnancy was scary. A million “what ifs” and the knowledge that things don’t always work out, kept me on edge. I never relaxed. His movement was the gift of pregnancy. As long as he moved and every time he did – I rejoiced. I knew God in those moments. I remember the first flutters and the core shaking rumblings they developed into. He was real.

I pray God grants you the miracle of pregnancy. My advice? Grab a few scriptures to hold onto. You’ll need them. I carried a pocket copy of Jackie Mizes Supernatural Pregnancy…everywhere I went. I read and re-read it cover to cover. Marinating in the life giving words of Gods promises. Words that helped me expect the unexpected…believe the unbelievable.

Pregnancy after infertility is a faith ride. Another step on the journey …calling, drawing you closer to the one who loves you most.

While searching for a link to Jackie Mize’s book I learned of her untimely passing. Jackie impacted my life and so many others. Her pregnancy and infertility ministry were powerful tools the Lord used to bring forth miracles. I’m praying for her family and friends.

Here’s the word…simple and true

“And did you know that your cousin Elizabeth conceived a son, old as she is? Everyone called her barren, and here she is six months pregnant! Nothing, you see, is impossible with God.” . (Luke 1:36-37 (The Message)

and a prayer…

Infertility Prayer Day #25

You can catch up with earlier posts in this series by clicking here.

A note…at Allume this week and having trouble keeping up.

Posted in christianity, faith, infertility, life, motherhood, The Process The Promise, uncategorized - Tagged #31days, God, infertility prayer, miscarriage, pregnancy

Five Minute Friday :: Together

Oct 25, 2013 19 Comments ~ Written by Lisha Epperson

Together.

We were together
Sharing the same space.
A room. My womb.
I didn’t think I’d experience the togetherness of pregnancy.
He surprised me.
My heart grew and expanded through adoption but I didn’t know.
I didn’t know if I would ever share the same space with a living being – in the way I did, with my only biological son.
They ask if I feel closer to him. If somehow we are more together
No.
My heart grew to accommodate the spirits of three children.
Housed the souls of theses magnificent balls of fire. Life.
Physical space and location – different . But there was always growth.
And because of it we are
Together
We are together.
Now. All of us.
Living the big love of family – designed by God
In His infinite, powerful, beautiful grace
He put us together.

I’m at Allume doing my very first true FIve Minute Friday. Thanks Lisa Jo.

Posted in adoption, christianity, faith, infertility, life, motherhood, The Process The Promise, uncategorized - Tagged family, five minute friday, God, love, pregnancy, together

Are You Ready for Motherhood? {Adoption} Day #24

Oct 23, 2013 4 Comments ~ Written by Lisha Epperson

nothing could keep me from this…I answered the call

Sometimes motherhood is planned – each detail written and played in time and tune…the notes of a magnificent symphony. Other times it comes by surprise – a door suddenly opening..forcing you to jump – uncontrollably, in a rush to answer. Motherhood can come unexpectedly…and in ways we might never imagine.

Most often, the call to motherhood is whispered in the secret place, where our outward displays of success and accomplishment mean nothing. It’s here we find ourselves bare. We are confronted with a primal desire to nurture and care for, to give selflessly. To love on a level never known. No matter how you experience it, the call is undeniable. You want to be a mother.

For many “I want to” becomes “I will be”. An undeniable passion. A God-sized dream you just can’t let go of.

Each woman walks her own path. Yet, arrival at this point is crucial. Because the woman who prayerfully identifies her desire will fight for motherhood with renewed purpose. Fighting a battle when victory is assured gives confidence to keep pushing – when obstacles come your way , or when you simply get tired. No longer stuck on an image of “the perfect”or “the traditional” – you are free to explore your options. Motherhood will find you because you’ve opened your heart to receive and believe for an unplanned, unexplained miracle.

This is a segment of a guest post I did at The Mahogany Way. Read the rest of it by clicking here.

and a treat : a sample from my free ebook – Warrior Song : notes of hope on infertility and adoption

If you’re a dreamer like me the word surrender is not at the top of your list of favorites. To surrender means to let go, give up…abandon hope – no way! not for dreamers like us. Right?

Preparing to wade into the waters of adoption I hesitated. Pause. What happens if I let go of the baby dream? Does it mean I’ll never give birth? Have a baby? How do I let go of this dream – a dream that almost feels like my baby–the late nights I gently rocked and nursed it..praying, planning and preparing…believing for my miracle.

After the devastating late loss of a cherished pregnancy I found myself in the ring. Wrestling with God. I resisted. I cried, but eventually, I got the message. I would have to surrender my dream…to find His. His will, His plan. My destiny designed by Him with no input from me. I would have to surrender.

I drank deeply of the meaning of this word when I met my son’s birthmother. I don’t compare my loss with hers but I do consider it and have been challenged by it. People often relate to the hands that give but ponder for a moment the hands surrendered to receive. Suffice it to say its a special place the heart goes in order to survive such a wave of grace. We met, in a place of unspeakable pain, two women, separate sorrows but oh the surrender…we met at the point of surrender. That day we each let go of something. She the sweet child she birthed and I, the mother of my would be baby – a life transforming exchange- one that you don’t get to prepare for. It leaves a mark that can never be erased. I let go of my fantasy mama to be a real one to the baby in my arms. Gods plan was that I, be his mother.

We had to let go to grab hold of the new dream God had planned for us. He blessed my willingness to follow Him. I should have released my plans long ago. They were black and white dreams, dull and void of depth. A discarded , blank and crumpled canvas compared to the brilliant masterpiece He’d designed specifically for me. I am fortunate to have a connection with my son’s birthmother and have peace knowing her painting glows just as bright…different shadings, tones, and textures but colorful…yes colorful indeed. Her life is full and in her words… rebuilt. New! We share a story of redemption through surrender.

The word… as you consider adoption…this…is my prayer for you (because it’s always about love)

Ephesians 3:15
My response is to get down on my knees before the Father, this magnificent Father who parcels out all heaven and earth. I ask him to strengthen you by his Spirit—not a brute strength but a glorious inner strength—that Christ will live in you as you open the door and invite him in. And I ask him that with both feet planted firmly on love, you’ll be able to take in with all followers of Jesus the extravagant dimensions of Christ’s love. Reach out and experience the breadth! Test its length! Plumb the depths! Rise to the heights! Live full lives, full in the fullness of God. (Ephesians 3:14-19 MSG)

The prayer…

Infertility Prayer Day #24

You can catch up on earlier posts in this series by clicking here.

Warrior Song : notes of hope on infertility and adoption is scheduled for re-release in mid-November 2013. Stay connected through email subscription for updates.

A note…
Having technical difficulties in Greenville, S.C. – will make updates as I’m able.
Both segments were edited. It’s hard to read through older posts and not make slight changes for clarity and grammar. Thanks Jeff Goins at Tribe Writers.

Posted in adoption, christianity, faith, infertility, life, The Process The Promise, uncategorized - Tagged #31days, infertility prayer, Motherhood, ready, surrender

The Shift :: Infertility Prayer Day #23

Oct 22, 2013 6 Comments ~ Written by Lisha Epperson

embracing the shift

When you make it past the day you curse God, and you will, a shift will take place. Your focus will shift from you, to God and his word. You’ll spend more time being hopeful. Confident in your portion and excited about the wondrous possibility of the future. The question mark that hung over your head is no longer filled with fear. It’s a symbol of hope.

The shift is an act of grace. The seismic transformation signals the beginning of a new day.

I made the shift when I opened my heart to other options for family building. My husband and I had discussed adoption while dating. But baby lust is strong and for a time, I couldn’t see my way around the beauty of a pregnant belly. I opened my heart, letting loose much of the tension I carried and focused on what he was telling me to do. From that point on, I knew I’d be a mama…someday. My chances for success expanded exponentially – when I made the shift.

Lust is a good word for the desperate desire we feel when walking through infertility. Our hearts ache in an ugly way for something we don’t have. That crippling ache is not from God. The baby becomes an idol. Above and before Him. The shift can’t take place with a baby or anything else in the gap. The gap can only be filled by Him.

Adoption is pretty dramatic. My shift happened with a bold leap that included the lives of people I’d never met. But opening your heart to adoption isn’t the only way to make the shift.

We tend to look for sensational, exaggerated shifts in the universe…we expect wind and torrential rain all around. But sometimes the storm is quiet. An inner spiritual storm of gentle rains and whispered winds. However you experience the storm , it can be settled with His word. The shift happens with the acceptance of truth. It’s possible to wake up and just “get it.” Peaceful and quiet, but no lest impactful. The transformation in us is huge but how it happens – may be subtle. God loves us each uniquely. He creatively connects with our hearts, speaks a language we each can hear. Listen for it.

Have you made the shift? God can’t work until you do.

here’s the word…

Here’s what I want you to do: find a quiet, secluded place so you won’t be tempted to role play before God. Just be there as simply and honestly as you can manage. The focus will shift from you to God, and you will begin to sense his grace. Matthew 6:6 (The Message)

and the prayer…

Infertility Prayer Day #23

I heard this song on the subway today. I couldn’t see the woman singing it. In NYC the subway is full of talented artists and this woman was no exception – she could “sang”. Her voice echoed across the platform and the words touched me. I listened to Whitney Houston in the 90’s – belting out her love songs while I faked my way through college. Her story is tragic and the words of the song seemed a cry from someone desperate for change. It’s a perfect song to hear when you need to and are ready to make the shift. I went home with this song in my head and danced in the kitchen.

You can catch up on earlier posts in this series by clicking here.

Posted in adoption, christianity, faith, infertility, life, relationships, The Process The Promise, uncategorized - Tagged #31days, God, hope, infertility prayer, shift

For the Day You Curse God :: Infertility Prayer Day #22

Oct 21, 2013 6 Comments ~ Written by Lisha Epperson

what happens when you curse God?
photo : Flickr CC – gotosira

For The Day You Curse God

Because of wrong thinking you’ll spend a lot of time trapped in fear and doubt. This can happen, even while working hard to renew your mind. A negative medical report, yet another pregnancy announcement. Any of these things can push you to the edge. Pent up anger only builds and one day you’ll be at your lowest level of faith. You’ll hit rock bottom. You’ll know you’re there because that – is the day you’ll curse God.

Maybe you’ll find out your 15-year-old niece is expecting, perhaps the doctor will tell you the fibroids you had surgery to remove….twice…have grown back, maybe you’ll be diagnosed with a rare clotting disorder, making pregnancy unlikely. I don’t know what your mountain will be – what canyon sized crevice you’ll encounter. But you will face one.

photo: Flickr – Grand Canyon NPS

I have to be completely honest with you. The day you face the mountain will be hard. And you will want to give up. Full of bitterness you’ll turn your face from God and whisper the deepest level of doubt. ” I don’t believe you.”

He promises to hold you…anyway. Grace will rush in and fill the chasm. Seal the gap, satiate the gorge. The dip is deep…..but God is greater. He’ll bring you over and through.

Take the test. The testing of you faith leads to a beautiful river of hope. Each faith test yields that much more. And all you need is a mustard seed.

The other side of the mountain? I don’t know. But He does. The promise is…whatever it is – will be well with you. On the other side is peace.

This isn’t to say we should feel free to curse God. To be clear, what I am saying, is this – grace is available. When you begin to comprehend the depth of His love for you – you won’t want to curse Him. He’ll turn your curse to praise. Let Him.

I want to encourage you to hold on. No matter how hard it gets or how much anger you feel – just hold on. God is bigger – than the day you give up.

Here’s the word…sweet assurance

“I’ll never let you down, never walk off and leave you – Hebrews 13:5 (The Message)

By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that’s not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. Romans 5:1-2 (The Message) * read all the way through verse 11…it’s really good *

And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. – Philippians 1:6

And the prayer…

Infertility Prayer Day #22

You can catch up on earlier posts in this series by clicking here.

Linking up with Elisa at More to Be for Transformed Tuesdays.

Posted in christianity, faith, infertility, life, relationships, The Process The Promise, uncategorized - Tagged #31days, anger, curse, God, infertility prayer

Why You Should Watch Your Words :: Infertility Prayer Day #21

Oct 21, 2013 3 Comments ~ Written by Lisha Epperson

watch your words
photo: whatmegsaid – flickr cc

Watch your words.

“I can’t carry a child.”
“Obviously I’m no fertile myrtle.”
“I guess it isn’t in His plan.”
“I don’t even want to get pregnant now. I’m too old anyway.”

My head was filled with thoughts like these. And I thought they were based on facts. Because I’d experienced miscarriage, believed my present reality was a foretelling of the future and – was over 35. With words, I wrote the ending of my fertility journey…without asking God.

I talked to him about it. But when I didn’t get the answer I wanted, picked up the pen and started writing for myself. I tried out my thoughts – speaking…without thinking. Not realizing the power of my words I’d say whatever I felt. I was “keeping it real” …”being honest” but I was digging my own grave.

We have to watch our words. Our words create our reality. They are the manifestation of our thoughts and the bounty of our hearts. Everything we do and are is because of our words.

I learned this life changing lesson and changed the course of my destiny.

photo : flickr creative commons - yamaha

photo : yamaha – flickr cc

It takes time. You have to retrain your brain. Renew your mind. I renewed my mind with the word. I replaced my negative thoughts with His word. Starting with little things like a shift in perspective, I chose to render any situation a possibility. I stopped being so pessimistic about my desire to conceive. I began with a shrug of the shoulders and say things like “you never know.” In response to positive comments from others I’d offer “from your mouth to Gods ears”. I know it doesn’t sound like much but really, moving from such a negative space is hard. I was slowly bringing my thoughts into captivity.

From there I’d make declarations and memorize scripture pertaining to my situation. I was learning to love myself again. My love tank was being refilled. My heart restored. It took a long time, but a tiny seed of hope sprung forth with new life. And with hope anything is possible. My vision for the future was bright. I hoped it would include giving birth to a biological child but I was no longer consumed with the idea. I was confident in the joy I was experiencing. I was at peace.

Has your season of waiting turned your thought process into a constant stream of mental parrying? a negative wave of emotions you feel free to give voice to? There’s nothing wrong with sharing your feelings. We should all have a safe place to share our troubles, Godly relationships that provide encouragement. However, if those fear based thoughts have become your life’s mantra – you’ve crossed a line. Wrong thinking can ruin your life. It’s simple. Change your thinking . Change your life.

photo: yashna m. – flickr cc

Here’s the word :

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; – 2 Corinthians 10:5 (KJV)

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. – Romans 12:2 (NIV)

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit – Proverbs 18:21 (NIV)

And the prayer…

Infertility Prayer Day #21

You can catch up on earlier posts in the series by clicking here.

Posted in christianity, faith, infertility, life, The Process The Promise, uncategorized - Tagged #31days, God, hope, infertility prayer, miscarriage

Monthly archives for October, 2013

When You Think Infertility Is Forever :: Tell Your Story Day #29

Day Off :: a Beautifully Made Transition Day #28

When You Face the End of Your Fertility Journey :: Day #27

When You Find Yourself Still {living child-free} – Day #26

Have you chosen to be still? Have you found yourself living child-free?

What to Expect When You’re Expecting After Infertility – Day #25

Five Minute Friday :: Together

Are You Ready for Motherhood? {Adoption} Day #24

The Shift :: Infertility Prayer Day #23

For the Day You Curse God :: Infertility Prayer Day #22

For The Day You Curse God

Why You Should Watch Your Words :: Infertility Prayer Day #21

Let’s Stay in Touch

lisha epperson

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WARRIOR SONG :: notes of hope on infertility and adoption

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