exceeding expectations? yes!

I didn’t think I had expectations, but being in the middle of so many dreams put the pressure on me to identify my own – in a good way. Shortly after arrival, I started asking questions and petitioning God to create divine appointments. I couldn’t put my finger on what I wanted but I knew he could. He always knows what we need, exactly when we need it, right? So I asked for that. Well “that”, was God meeting or replacing hidden expectations.  He answered prayer. Through delightful unexpected moments, my first conference experience was made memorable.

This years conference focused largely on the why of blogging. The keynote speakers kept the focus on Christ, reminding us to shine like stars and deal with hidden sin. Every word was meaty and intentional. There was so much to process. By Saturday morning I’d had my fill.

But there was just one more session to squeeze in. I arrived a few minutes late and found a seat. I listened to the speaker talk about dreams. By the time it was over I could literally feel the weight of every dream. They hovered over the room like clouds ready to burst. Speechless when I left the room,  something drew me back.

Women milled around in clumps, talking, laughing, engaging in the after glow of what just happened.  I wanted to get involved in the bubble and excitement but  couldn’t. When I’m alone, sometimes its hard for me to start a conversation. So I sat. I listened to a woman share about a dream to travel to Africa and how god was making it happen in little and big ways. She wasn’t talking to me but I heard her story.

When God visits me by surprise, I do one of two things. I lay down if possible and fall into what I call a  “Jesus nap” or actively pray. I couldn’t lie down…so I prayed. Scanning the room I asked him to bless each woman, to hold and protect dreams. In the middle of the room a woman caught my eye. I watched her. Really sat and watched her. The way she used her hands while expressing herself was lovely. Her delicate fingers and deep wine colored nails punctuated the air, accompanying every sentence. She was lovely and didn’t know it. Isn’t that the best kind of beauty?

On the brink of tears and lost in the moment , an older woman approached me. We’d connected a few times at the conference. At 47, I was one of the older women at the conference. If I prayed for anything I prayed God would lead me to the salt. Youth is bright, shining fire for god but I wanted to connect with the salt. The wise women who through experience have become teachers. The woman who approached me was exactly who I was looking for. She was another one of my hidden expectations.

She shared about her deep desire to serve. We talked about aging and a nagging voice whispering doubt to her about being the oldest woman attending Allume.   She wanted to be useful. In a culture driven by youth, she wanted to be relevent. Feeling sensitive and hopeful I tried to encourage her. I connected with her fears. Middle age has brought with it the ability to view life from a certain perspective. I already sense society’s subtle putting away of the old. When I absolutely feel ready to soar, the message seems to focus on preparation for landing.

But she was more interested in me. My story. Not the story of infertility. My story. My life. She was interested in me – going forward. Because God was/is. She looked me straight in the eye and began to pray. Pouring into my heart words of love from the father through and to a daughter. 

That was the second unexpected Allume moment.

After a full morning…I remember getting up from the table before the last sponsor was announced. I wanted to relax for a few hours before my midnight train. I was at information overload and couldn’t handle the party planned afterwards. Even the lure of free chocolate and a bottomless cup of coffee couldn’t keep me at the table any longer.

So I excused myself. At the elevator bank I ran into a new friend and was invited to hang in her room for a while and I took her up on the offer. Something about leaving the table and a room full of ideas and dreams made me relax in a way I hadn’t since arriving. A little down time was exactly what I needed.

In the room, I met a handful of bloggers I greatly admire.  Bloggers whose brilliance I trail, each engaging and gracious. I got a glimpse of the life I began to quietly dream about.  A speaking engagement, a book? The generosity of spirit made me feel welcomed, as if I’d arrived at a party unannounced and the entire table shifted to accommodate me. There was room, because they moved over. It was the absolute perfect way to end my Allume experience. More unvoiced, hidden expectations met…filled.

I loved attending Allume. I was prayed for and ministered to. I was given honest blogging advice and loved on by roommates, Zohary and Debi. I still don’t know where this blogging journey will take me. I have a heart to serve and words to share but not sure where all of this is headed. I do know I love it and have no plans to stop. At Allume, God affirmed for me, the go ahead to dream big.

had so much fun but it’s good to be home!